Untitled Two

My clock is ticking softly as I toss and turn in bed.
I look at my window and just sigh and bang my head.
The pain that I feel inside is not going away.
Am I supposed to take it all in and pretend everything's okay?
I smile at school and just live life regularly but if you see behind my eyes.
There's tears, hate, and a part of me that wants to just lay down and die.

Untitled One

Can anybody hear her as she cries for help?
She's screaming inside in her room as she hurts herself.
Wondering and pleading for something real
Something that causes her to think and feel
To remember why life is worth living
Because right now she suffers from all of the pain
It's tormenting her slowly and quietly
She sees everything changing.
Talking to her friends has turned to complete and silent solitude.
Practicing the piano has turned to reading emo novels in her room.
She has nothing to do with herself and it's driving her insane.
She found someone that taught her why life is worth living
To help her remember how music sounded
and why falling in love feels great
Unfortunately she is restricted of being allowed to date
While she does this in secret, her best guy friend tells her something
Something that just changed their relationship completely
He fell head over heels for her
He writes poems of her as he falls deeply in love.
He reminds her of why falling in love feels awful.
She sees everything changing and she can't do anything to stop it.
A new chapter, a new life. Things forgotten...left behind.
All she can do is sit and smile and pretend everything is all right

Dear Beautiful Flower...

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Bending in the wind.
You are no longer near me.

You are weak and thin.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Such an impulsive gaze.
To believe you couldn't survive...

This frightful phase.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

I miss you so.
The once warm skin,

Is now so cold.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Why aren't you here?
Because this is what he wanted..

He wanted you near.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

You had such an intellectual mind.
You were, not just beautiful,

But also kind.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

I loved you so much.
I cry and cry,

Because I miss your soft touch.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Will you visit my dreams this year?
Because that day...
Because the loss of you...

That was my greatest fear come true.


Dedicated To:
My now desceased Aunt,
Zorrida Erazo

Maybe Because I am fit to be alone

Friends come and go just like that, making a new friend that knows your past some how. You feel tired and angry, feel like crying front of everyone. But this new friend just uses you like, you find out you are in the same train even thought they lied to you about going to places like Brooklyn to see a movie or meeting a relative. The thing is they don't notice so many people have eyes and ears to hear what are they really doing. You know how a gossip can travel so fast even the person who is doing this suddenly gets scared and loses their confidence. One by one they notice by, the girl just ignores them and if she sees one of them she just walks away, pretends not to care. That is called revenge. But the truth is the girl feels shocked and hurt by knowing by someone else who she promised not to tell anyone. Maybe you are just blind, as the girl riding in the train she notices those 3 people are right there and she feels angry, used, shocked also outraged. If they were real friends they would bother talk to her and notice it by now. Sometimes life sucks and the girl has to get on with life, she should say to to herself that "I am better off without them" and they are the ones that are missing out in a great friend". She tries to forget about it but can't! But in the end it goes back to them, getting blocked by them by email and so cruel to ditch me alone in train when they are right there. But she doesn't care anymore and she is done with everything, somehow they will be erased from her brain. No more advice and crying! The time is over! So the girl takes action, she deletes them in emails she has from them and forgets them from the mind.

My life... is H-E-L-L

Loving, lying,
hating, dying,
thats just part of the hell i live through.
running, crying,
faking, trying,
thats part of what you put me through,
wondering, thinking,
fighting, sinking,
wonder what made you ever do
this,
hoping, doubting,
wishing, bleeding,
I guess Im not the one you'll come back to...

...when you left I faked as if it was only your loss...
...but in reality it was more like mine...
...because Im dying inside...
...for you...

Faith Part 1

Rushing out in the breezy weather, you let your jacket drop down the shoulder's. Your hair is flying all over the place and you just get frustrated. But the heart beeps each second as your body turns around to face him. You think "he isn't cute and doesn't he look familiar?". But the notice on your face shows red spots all over, feeling embarrassed and scared you quickly turn around. Something loud and noisy is coming, oh wait the train is here. Priya gets the train and tries to fixes her hair.

But the other side John is starting at Priya, "Who she is"? "Do I know her from Holmes camp?" Behind him was his friends talking about the giants game, fighting over the NFL teams and players."Hey John, which is the one is the best player?" Huh? John wasn't paying attention to the his friends, why can't he stop starting at her? I hope she goes to my high school, maybe in the next train I can talk to her. The door closes at the N train, the next stop is Lexington Ave.

The train passes toward a dark tunnel. Priya hoping to get a good grade at her Spanish test and biology test. "Oh man, I am so sleepy and tired." Hey Sharon, did you study for the test? What test?, we have a test today? Just typical, Sharon just forgets everything by eating too much candy. The test! "Oh yea", I sort of studied for it". Don't Priya I am sure you will do fine".
Easy for to you to say, thinking Priya. She puts her head down in her friend's lap and tries to relax. She couldn't stop thinking about the boy who she just saw.

Oh come Priya, we have to go now and switch trains. Coming! Priya quickly gets her head up and goes out the door quickly with her friend, rushing out to get the 6 train. Terrific, senior year at Hunter College. When she first started Hunter College, everything was easy, but the stuff is getting harder. She turns around and notices the guy.

Yes! Hopefully she will take the train with me. John! someone calling his name and turns around it is the annoying little talker Jasmine, oh man someone save me. He pretends not to notice and walks quickly toward his friends, as walking away from Jasmine he notices that girl was going to the 6 train section and laughing with her friends. Oh well, maybe later. Okay stop it John, you barley don't know the girl and lets just forget her. Running to the 4 train, right on time as the door open it.

Priya and Sharon running to the school, they were already 2 seconds late. Next time I am taking the 4 train and I don't care if I have to switch 3 trains. Runs to her Spanish class, perfect on time and rushes to toward her seat. She knew most of the answers, what a morning!

The next hours went smoothly until lunchtime, her friend Sharon mentions the boy that we saw in the train. "Isn't he cute"? Priya's mind was drifted away and wondering if she will see him again. Priya! are you listening to me? "Huh"? What happened? I said are you going to soccer practice today? "Sure, I guess". Quickly sharon changes the subject since they have 45 minutes to eat their lunch. "You are so lucky that you have a job in the library". I have dying to find a job and can't found one. The economy these days is so cheap at money.

Suddenly Priya remembered, she had work today and she couldn't home with Sharon after soccer practice. Sharon! I totally forget, I have my stupid job today in the school you have to leave without me. That's okay, I will wait for you since I don't anything better to do. Thanks so much, I am so tired of going home by myself, it is so quite and people are starting at you in the train. No problem, we better hurry, we were already late for school and cannot be late for our classes.

John pass the ball! The coach Hog was yelling at John to get in shape for the next week championship. He had so much free time since he finished half of his classes from NYU during the beginning of his senior year. Come one John! You could better than that! Sweat was running down his shirt, he was so tired after doing 100 laps of running and now tossing the ball into the basket. He loved basketball but no one knew he loved to write. If he told his father, he would be disappointed at him, his friends would just laugh at him and call him a girl. NO NO! He couldn't face that image. Suddenly his mind drifted back to the girl who he saw in the girl. Who she is?

Okay that it, everyone hit the showers and get a good rest during the weekends. John was finally feel reviled and couldn't wait to sleep in his com forty bed. Time read 5:30 on his watch, he probably be home around 7:00. Just Perfect or not.

Shower was over, coach Hog was waving at him. He ran to the train station to meet up with his friends, they were all there eating like bunch of pigs. Hey! Laughing to himself for some odd reason. Hey John said Steven as he was eating the 2 bags of chips and drinking 2 sodas at the same time. Finally you got here on time, the train is coming. John what happened to you in the morning, it looked like you were about to pass out or something. John thinking, I was not passing out! and I am not telling you! He just said No I am fine. Okay, come on the train is here. John was stressed that as soon as he got to his seat he passed out.

loved chocolate candies, it smelled so good. Hey, I hope we see him again, said nope, I didn't notice. She didn't like lying to her best friend but she didn't want her to make a big deal out of it. Where is the train? said Priya and Sharon waiting for the 6 train, eating a small bag of chips and candy. Yummy! PriyaPriya pretended not to care and acted dumb by saying who?. Don't you remembered the guy in N train? Again PriyaPriya out loud. We could take the 4 express train, it goes faster and it is coming right now said Sharon, fine come one I am really tired.

music. Loud nosies so fast that blow out Priya and Sharon's ears off and hair flying as if a wind is blowing. Come one, lets find seats and I really need to sit Sharon. There is one sit across the left and another sit across the right. Okay we can't sit together is that okay Priya, I know how you hate talking to strangers. It is okay, I just need to sit down and relax by listening to my iPodPriya takes the sit with John across from her, she closes her eyes and lets the music flow down her.

John turns around, not feeling relaxed sees that girl who is sitting across from him. Blushing, he sees that girl has her eyes closed until her friend shakes her. Priya open your eyes! So that is her name, a name that suits her and she looks like a tall skinny red flower, maybe a rose or a Daisy. Why was he thinking about her again? This is getting frustrating.

Priya opens her eyes and notices Sharon is calling her name. What? Sharon whispers in her ear and says isn't that guy? Where?, sounding suddenly excited. Right there blind girl, he sitting across from you. Priya turns around and sees him smiling at her. Turning red again, quickly turns way. You saw that Priya, he was smiling at me. Feeling disappointed and says go talk to him, maybe he likes you. No I don't think so, he is too cute. Sharon, there is more to life than boys.

After a few minutes their stop came. Finally! thinking Priya, and grabbing Sharon's hand to rush out to next the N train. She didn't want to see him again on the next train. Priya slow down, let see if we could sit with him. OH MY GOD !thinking Priya, Sharon you could go sit with them but I am not. Come one, please for me. Fine, without thinking said Priya. You are the best Priya! Come one and grabbing her hand to the N train.

John and his friends were running too and the N train is almost here. I should just talk to her, oh man I wish I could tell someone as he running for the stupid train. He and his friends got the train in time again, as he turns around he sees her looking at him. She has average hair, about his height, has brownish eyes, has thin body that looks like a tiny notebook. From all his crushes and his last girlfriend, he swear not to like another girl again. What the hell, maybe she isn't inserted at me. I should talk to Steven, maybe he can help. I am just getting confused and getting confused.

Hey Steven!, John raising his hand and feeling nervous. Whats up John? You look red for some reason, you okay? "Yeah I am fine". Can I talk to you about something? Sure, well you see you know the girl who is sitting across from us, the long hair and brownish eyes? Yeah, what about her? Well every since this morning I can't stop thinking about her and going insane, you know me I wouldn't like any girls since Laura who broke me. Well John not every girl is the same and every girl looks different. Maybe this girl looks different, by looking at her she looks different. Look at her John, she has a sports bag in her hand it is obvious she plays some kind of sport like us and serious about school. Look at her schoolbag, I bet it is heavy because she has too many books and studies of notes. You shouldn't be afraid, we are getting older and not getting any younger. If she doesn't like you or doesn't want to talk to you it is not the end of the world. If I were you I would go talk to her right now before I lose my chance. What if you don't see her again? Now! are you crazy! Look at my face I am shivering like a money. Steven looking at him and laughing at him so hard like he was about to go to the bathroom. Why are you laughing? This is not funny! Look John this is funny and I will push you to her if you don't go! She sounds like a keeper, but I have already a girlfriend if I didn't it I would go. Now go to her and act normal.

Fine, but if she says no, I am going to kill you. What is going on with him? thinking Priya, oh my god why is he coming over? Hopefully to talk to Sharon, I shouldn't be looking at him. She went back to her book until someone taps her in the shoulder. Startled, looks up and sees him starting at her. For a while they were starting at each other, feeling a strong spark. Hum? Sorry to startled at you like that, I was wondering if you want to sit together and talk in the train. By the way my name is John. Priya looking at him with a shocked face and says Why should I do that? Do I know you? Don't you remembered we used go to Holmes camp together back in I.S204? So that's I knew him thinking Priya. I don't remembered that much, but you do look familiar.

Okay, you don't have sit with me because I thought you remembered me. We were kind of best friends. This is all coming back to me said John, oh my god she looks more beautiful and she was one my childhood crushes. You want my email so we can catch as old friends? Priya 's face looking blank and starts to say "sure" I guess. The rest of the train ride they were talking away like old friends. Sharon turned and approving that her planned worked, Steven was right.

Priya running home and going up to her room. Holmes Camp! She found her old journal, John was right they used go to camp together. One of her favorite memories is Holmes Camp and getting over the fear of middle school, she missed those days. This is pretty weird thinking Priya. I better call sharon or tell her later in aim. Feeling tired, changes her clothes quickly and cleaning up the mess goes to sleep.


John in home, was excitied to talk to Priya in email. Turning on the laptop he adds her in the chat box and notices she not yet online yet. I better call steven and thank him, thinking john.

Priya wake up! Priya wake up! Turning around and around, her head getting so dizzy and finally with one lap she woke up. It was her mom holding a dish of food and placing it on her desk, she felt so tired and wondered it is not too late. Thank god she has no school tommorow. Time read 10:00, wow sleeping for 3 hours. She changes her clothes and brushes her teeth, washes her hand, began to eat her dish. After a while Priya turns on the computer to check to see any emails. Wow, alot of emails from angie, her number best friend who is in upstate at college. She missed her like crazy. It is shocking, he sent me a text, I better answer I guess.

Goodbye in November?

It had only just begun
We were tending it and it was growing
"Ask and you will receive."
I asked and got rejected
This wasn't exactly what I expected
You told me that he was ready
I did what You said and I talked
Now I can't do anything but think and walk
What am I supposed to say to him?
That I acted out of compulsion and said yes on a whim?
Honestly, I couldn't have said no
This was what I always wanted
You promised.
You said.
I know You're not a liar.
But I can't think, my mind's on fire.
When will I get my break?
I'm thinking now and I'm not making any mistakes
Can You just soften his heart and change his mind?
It took me weeks to say this to him
And now it's no.
He's wasting his money and his time.
I feel so bad but I want him to stay.
He won't wait.
He won't wait.
My mind is cooling down with each dying ember.
But will I say goodbye in November?

Life on Fast Forward

REWIND
remember when we used to hang out?
PAUSE
where did that time go?
PLAY
you're somewhere else acting a different kind of crazy
FAST FORWARD
tend this friendship and it will grow but right now it's dying

REWIND
you were like my brother
PAUSE
why aren't you mine now?
PLAY
you're not something that is exactly "role model" status anymore
FAST FORWARD
change your life before it's too late

REWIND
the past is the past.
PAUSE
why can't we let go?
PLAY
because it will always be a part of us
FAST FORWARD
think of me once in a while?
because i think of you everyday.

Just for You

Remembering 12-11-07 to 6-28-08

You made me believe a lie
A lie that I fell in love with
You stole my love
It was all just for you

You told me you were once in a lifetime
I believed it and I never let you go
You stole my time
It was all just for you

I couldn't let go
I was caught in the tide
It pulled me deeper and deeper
Leaving me empty and breathless

You said you had loved me
I fell for it and each time I was trapped in that thought
You stole my kisses
It was all just for you

You took me away from my friends
I spent all my time with you
You stole my life
It was all just for you

I couldn't let go
I was caught in the tide
It pulled me deeper and deeper
Leaving me empty and breathless

You gave me away
You were bored with me
I grew angry
I stole my life back
This time it's for me

You treated me as if I was nothing to you
You got me jealous on purpose
I cried but picked myself up
I stole my pride back
This time it's for me

I let go first
I woke up from a nightmare
I started out slow with one step at a time
Collected my thoughts and learned from my mistakes

You looked at me differently
I turned away
You looked at her and smiled
I turned away once more and sighed
I stole my strength back
This time it was for me

You saw me again
When you were with her
You kissed her in my presence
I had hit you
I stole my dignity back
This time it was for me

Did it sting when I told you goodbye?
When I left did you even cry?
I left because I had too
You took me from everything that mattered
But then I ended it
You thought I was
Just for you

Shadow

I never really cared. It never bothered me.
But then it came so fast. How could it be?

I' ve never felt like this before.
I can't do this anymore.

I couldn't believe my eyes.
Inside my heart cries.

How could he do that to me?
How could he not care for me?

He hangs out with his friends, pretending I don't exist.
What happened to the guy I knew, the one I very much missed?

My heart is in pain.
I feel like going insane.

Especially when I saw you with that other girl,
just the thought of the 2 of you together made me hurl.

When I wanted to hang out with you,
you always had something else to do.

How could I have not seen this?
Now, it just seems nearly impossible to miss.

And, now, he is gone and I'm all alone,
and I sit here in the shadow, as my heart changes from flesh to stone.