Your face

I walk each second
in the sidewalk,
the beat of my heart
just waiting to
see your face that
makes me calm as the
ocean.

I am the flow water going up
and down surrounded by pieces
of paper with no words. Looking
inside the paper i see nothing
except my face that is filled
with images of your face.

The memories in the blank paper
are gone as each second of the
water takes it away.

Hello Bloggers

Hello Creative Bloggers...
I won't be writing anymore post in here anymore.
You can chose to follow me at iftekhermamun.blogspot.com if you wish, to read all of my latest creation, whether it was part of a class project or just my own creativity.
So, bye.
Iffy

words

The memories
i had in my heart
or holding them in my hand
like a tiny piece of rose
that has made me fallen into
the floor. Looking at
my broken rose, scattered
everywhere what is that
i don't realize.
I can't say anything to anyone
or do anything except
say one simple word.
But what is a word to me?
I want things that can make me
alive in the world.
I never realize walking
i n your footsteps, following
you like a tiny black and white
shadow when i just realized
you were never real.
It was just a fake image
to seek into my world
but looking at these memories
like a tiny piece of ripped
paper with no words written.

No words written just a simple
paper trying to fly for you.My voice
is the answer, trying to fly in by a
soft wind.

Not be Found

*yes, i have started to write again, after a really long break from this. i realized, that if this is what keeps me at bay, then i really should now stop. so here is my latest creation... its short, but i will improve on it later on*
Shattered mirrors
Going through the phrases
Re-instating False hope
Searching through the broken glasses,
Bleeding arms, never stopping
Imagining what would have been
And what isn't...
Still searching, enduring the pain
Hoping the light at the end
Brings nothing but good news
Still searching, still hoping
What is my question?
what is my answer?
Where are you?
Where am I?
For once, I am lost
And without help,
I won't be found again...
to be never found again.

Failure

When you look at a clock
or a sky you hope the movement will go
faster or something exciting
will happe. But what if
the time stays still even
for one second
realizing you are sweating
with fear. As sitting
in the cold soften chair
your mind wanders off
and your mind can;t
stop stressing.
Your fingers tap in the desk
every second trying to
sneak attention or doing
something that can
help you alive.
Writing something
so fast or forgetting
the answers in a test
does that make you a failure?
Crying for no reason
because you failed
tests and exams, it
makes your fingers snap up
and rip down the test paper
into pieces. You realize
what will happen?
But you get from the seat
and keep on walking
into something that you are
not sure of. but why do you
do it?

Abyss from Hell

***This is my short fictional story for English. It have many mistakes in it as it has not been revised yet. Let me know what you guys think***

I guess being the youngest CEO of a fortune 500 company means nothing at all, unless you can share it with someone close to you. On the other hand, have the intellectual capability to know when I am being deceived for all that I have in the name of blind affection. I was only fourteen when my father was killed during a car accident. I was on the back seat of our Cadillac Eldorado. I remember when he first brought the year 2000 version as soon as it came out. It was the best car out at that time… at least for the rich it was.
Being luxurious and spoiled, my dad taught me to drive the car at the age of ten, when it was first purchased. However, I distinctly realize how bad of an idea that was when I crashed the car into our $2000 dollar statue of mom. She died during birth and even though I do not remember much, of whom she is as a person or how I should feel toward her. Nevertheless, breaking the statue and seeing my dad’s expression I realized what a mistake I just made. I remember how his eyes went from the caring smiling father he was to one of rage, sadness and anger. He had never screamed at me, not even in that day; but he told me to go to my room with no questions asked with such sadness that I was scared of what I had just caused. He was near tear and his voice quivered as he ordered the caretaker, an old 49-year-old Caucasian male with no hair and average built, to clean up the mess. After that day, I was never allowed to drive or ride in the same car as my dad. That is until my fourteenth birthday. It was June 7, 2003. Instead of the day being bright and shiny, it was somewhat of an odd day. It was foggy and rainy. On the weather, it said that Manhattan would be under a severe thunderstorm. I was supposed to go out to get my last karate lesson done that day and the chauffeur called in sick. I knew he was not sick though. He was just a lazy Indian who was afraid of a little thunderstorm.
My dad finally decided to take me to my class in lower Manhattan. I was ecstatic. My dad finally taking me to drive again, after 4 years of not being able to drive with him. There was only one condition though: I cannot sit in the front with him. I was happy to oblige as I can go out with my dad again, not knowing that sitting at the back actually saved my life. As my dad turned the corner from 43rd and 7th avenue, a truck came out of nowhere crashing the front of the Cadillac. I was safe as the truck came from a perpendicular intersection only hitting the front section of the car. However, I could not say the same thing for my dad. The violent shock and trauma caused me to black out.
Next time I woke up, I was in a white bed with yellow walls. I had no idea what is going on. I had no idea for how long I passed out. I had no idea why I was even passed out. But as the clock above my head went tick-tock, tick-tock things started to get clear. I remember the car crash and tried to get up frantically only to discover the gash on my head and the IV on my left arm. Then I notice this dark skin person in a lab coat holding a clipboard. I thought he was here to kill me, so I screamed for my life only to find I cannot. I was too thirsty to even scream or whisper. He stood calmly, not saying a word until I have relaxed myself a little. Then he introduced himself as Doctor Han, my physician. Apparently, during the accident, my head has bashed against the left side window causing me to lose consciousness. It have also damaged my left cerebrum causing my creative side to fade somewhat. However, my motor and auditory are functioning well and surprisingly boosted my logic problem solving ability. Doctor Han said it was a work of miracle or a freak of nature. I can choose to call it whatever I want. After he has finished his lecture, he finally allowed me to drink water. After my thirst was perched, I finally asked about my dad, already dreading for the worst but hoping for the best. With my need of bad luck, I learned that he had died in that accident the moment the truck collided with Eldorado. At least, he did not feel any pain. He died as his head was crushed and separated from his body due to the colossal force impacted upon him.
I believe I fainted again because the next thing I remember was that I was back in my old room. My old familiar room, with its blue bed-sheets velvet curtains and carpets, and my own 60-inch television playing an old episode of Pokémon; but none of it mattered. Knowing my dad left me alone in this world, I wanted nothing of those. I remember picking up a bat signed by Babe Ruth, and used it to crush my television. Ash never did get to catch that Pidgeotto, at least not in my television. From that day on, my anger toward anything just came and went in impulse. I could not control it anymore, nor did I want to. It felt nice to destroy things… just as things destroyed my life.
Several months has passed since the accidents. I was named the sole owner of everything my dad had, which was millions of dollars in business. I suppose it is a good thing that he did not owe the bank any money as I will not be able to pay any of it back. Since I was only fourteen, I was given a caretaker to look upon me ‘till I turn eighteen. My caretaker was the house caretaker. The fifty-one year old mildly built white male. However, since the accident, it seemed like he has aged several decades instead of just four years. Suppose that accident has affected him more than I thought, as I later found out, George- his given name- was a close friend to my father. Out of respect and for his sacrifice to take care of a fourteen year old, I started to call him Uncle George, or even sometimes UG whenever I am being lazy. He taught me how to drive and the world of business. I was quite surprised at how such a brilliant man became a house caretaker. When I asked him, why does he not create his own business, he replied with “Ya’ dad hath helped saved me life, and I owe to him to save ya’s.”
I had no idea where he was from or where his accent came from. Even when I ask about his origin, he says, “Ya’ll learn if ya meant to. Don’tchya worry kid, time tell ya whatchya needed to know.”
As I was homeschooled since the accident, I learned that I was learning the world of business at a much faster and proficient way than if I went to an actual high school. UG had so much knowledge about everything that I did not need to go anywhere else for help. I graduated from high school at the age of 16. At that time, Uncle George asked me in if I wanted to major in business like my dad or go see the world on my own. With earnest, up until at that point I thought I wanted to be like my dad but with the option given, I chose to study philosophical psychology and travel the world. Uncle George agreed with me without hesitation. I should have guessed he might have had another agenda, but at that moment, I was too overjoyed to care about anything else. I went to Columbia University. Being in the center of the city, it was my idyllic choice to attend to. Getting into was not that difficult. For one, I was heir to multi-million dollars as well as finishing high school by the age of sixteen. I did not even need their financial aid or scholarship, even though they offered to pay for full tuition. Instead, I request if they can give that tuition money to someone who is equally brilliant but does not have the money to attend. The courses were amazingly interesting, and the college life was rather intriguing. It was a completely new way of living for me, interacting with strangers, going to party and developing my social skills.
Graduating from college at the age of twenty with major in psychology and world affair, I decide to travel to United Kingdom to attend Oxford University for my graduate. I lost my interest in philosophy in the first year of my college and took interest in world affair, as I wanted to see if the world is like my college life; full of interesting and amazing things to do. At Oxford, I met the person I believed I was going to spend my life with. Her name was Anita Brown, from France, short yet elegant and has the sweetest voice in the world. Her mere voice was enough for me to throw down everything and just assist her to whatever she needs. Therefore, when she asked me to travel to France with her to meet her parents, I immediately left with her. Sadly enough, that ended my Oxford hope as I left in the middle of spring semester final.
France was indeed beautiful at this time, with flowers blooming and the city just seems to breathe life. Everyone appears honest to their heart and always greeted strangers with a smile. These behaviors are strange in NYC and it baffled me a little, but I enjoyed it a great deal. Her parents were nice to me as well. Mr. and Mrs. Brown lived in the outer part of France, in a village with flower gardens and farms surrounding them. The view was so amazing, I decided to spend the spring and summer with them. At night, Anita and I would stay out on their two story building’s rooftop and stare at the midnight sky watching the stars come to life, something I was not able to do in New York.
At the end of spring, and beginning of summer I asked Anita to become Mrs. William. It was on the day of my twenty-first birthday and the very same day my father left me after that accident. Everything slowed down. The birds stopped singing their tune. The breeze stopped. Everyone stopped moving. All that concerned me was she and she only. I felt her heart slowing down. Fearing the worst, I glanced down, trying to hide the tears that were inevitable. Then I glanced back up at her, expecting a no. All I saw were tears in her eyes. Thinking they were tears of rejection, I turned to leave. That is when I noticed it. Her smile; that beautifully sculpted smile not even Davinchi can create. The smile that can lit up whole of France on a moonless sky. Overjoyed with her response, I treated the whole neighbors of Mr. and Mrs. Brown to a feast in France. The price was nothing compare to what I was feeling then.
After spending the summer with the family, I flew Anita and I back to New York, the big apple. We bought a condominium in East side Manhattan, overlooking the Hudson River. We had our own view of the sunrise and sunset. Nevertheless, fun seems to end then. I had to return to my dad’s business. I return to see Uncle George has become a money-thirsty monster. His expensive silk suite, glimmering black hair at the age of sixty, and solid gold watch he was not the man I left the company in charge of; surprisingly enough, his accent was gone too. He was able to speak English without mistakes and mispronunciation. “Welcome back, Mr. William.” He referred to me by my last name. “How was your study abroad? I heard that you brought back an exotic present from France.”
Shocked at his greeting, I screamed “She is my wife and if you do not like her then you are FIRED Uncle George!” He was clearly satisfied by me response as he kept on smiling.
“Oh son, you cannot fire me, I own half of this company now. The other halves are merely my puppets. You have no control over it. Soon your little present from France will be mine too,” were his reply.
Outraged, my right fist connected with his teeth directly, landing him three feet behind on the corner of his desk. He was still smiling as his two front gold teeth fell off. I returned home with bloody knuckles. Anita’s first reaction was to ask what was wrong, but at first, I pushed her away. Seeing the tears in her eyes, I held her close explaining what happened. We had no money at this time. Deciding to sue Uncle George for frauds, I pick up the phone but instead it just started ringing. Picking up, I realized it was George and Anita put the phone on speaker. “Even if you try to call any lawyer for legal helps, it will not help. Remember that you left me in charge of the business when you left for your fancy study. I have legal control. The only way you can get anything back is from my death, but that WILL NOT happens anytime soon. I will make sure to change that too, before I die. UNLESS I DIE OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE NEXT FIVE DAYS! Enjoy what you have while you can. Until next time, bye Mr. William and his prize toy. Hahaha.” The phone hanging as it was, continuing BEEPing.
That night, we spent sleepless- tussling and turning. We both tried to comfort each other, but with no success. The following Tuesday was a bright and sunny day, but neither of us wanted to go out. We just stayed in different rooms, pondering upon what just happened. Tuesday came and passed. So did Wednesday. Thursday was a gloomy day. Rainy and thunderstorm all day in the midst of September; just like our life, the weather outside was chaotic. Anita left the house, deciding to take a walk in this storm. I tried to stop her, but she stormed out before I could say anything. The afternoon turns to evening, only letting me know through the cable box clock. The day outside still stayed as gloomy and dangerous as ever. Evening turned into night. Worried, I tried calling her, only going to voicemail. As I was about to call the cops, the electricity went out. With my cell phone out of charge, I had no other option but to wait. Thursday ended and Friday was finally announced by a brightly glorified morning. The sun shined brightly and the day smelled like clean grass just cut. The aroma was intoxicating, calling everyone out. Everyone except me. I could not leave my house. I could not even move from my single chair facing the door, dreading for Anita to come home. Friday ended eventually and the sun rose one more time for Saturday. Finally, the phone rang. But the caller ID read it was from NYPD, not Anita. Afraid that George has finally taken my house from me too, I picked it up.
“Is this Mr. William?” the person on the other side asked.
“Yes, it is. Who is this?” I replied with a quivered voice.
“This is the NYPD.” No shit, I thought, it showed up in my called ID. The voice continued, “We have some tragic news for you. It appears that your wife and your uncle were found dead at his house. It appears that they had some form of argument that led to physical struggle. There was a gun shot on Mrs. Williams and a knife was stuck on the neck of your Uncle. We do not exactly know what has happened, but we need you for some questioning. Please arrive at the police station on Monday by 8 AM. We will let you know if we discover anything new by then. Thank you and sorry for your loss”
That is how I learned the death of my beloved wife. From a stupid phone call that could not even, show any sympathy. I had no idea how I should have felt then. I just felt empty. Broken, like nothing else matter. I already know what has happened. Anita went over, trying to talk George over giving the company back. She sacrificed herself so I can be rich again. It has been two years since her death. I am the richest CEO of some company that means nothing to me. I have lost everyone that matters to me, but living for them. Living, fulfilling their dreams so their death did not go to any waste. Even though I am rich, the money means nothing. Spending my time just traveling and drinking, I realized my life has always been an abyss from hell. The angel from my life was taken away from me with only memories of what we shared…

White Snow

White Snow,
Falling from the Sky.
So Peaceful...

Soon it turns violent,
Nature Releasing her wrath
On the passerby...
As the sun sets.

*i never did finish this poem*

Reminiscent of the Past

*I actually wrote this a while back, but i did not want to post it 'till now:

"...

Bored out of my mind,

Shit comes to mind

Looking for the bullet

Realize, there is nothing to kill

But those reminiscent thoughts.


Why can’t I stay mad at you?

Hate you like the way you hurt me

Forget that you ever existed

And let go of the everything that’s us

Was us? Were there ever any?

I don’t know… but know

One thing for sure

I can never be a part of you.



Sitting along at the places

We used to be at

From time to time, memories

Come afloat from parts that

I wish never existed

We never existed, Ending

This never ending sorrow.



Through trust and bonds

We shall stay side by side

Or so you fooled me to believe

Figuring you were just a dream

But waking up to a nightmare

Through the reminiscent of the past

Just tell me what to do,

To end these train of thoughts,

Willing to do anything

But love you again

‘Cause I never stopped at the first place.

..."

all copyright protection to Iffy Nite

Then why question it

If I can't love you
Who can I love?
If I can't hold you
Who can I hold?
If I can't run to you,
Then where can I run to?
If you're no longer near,
Then how far will you be?
If I am so stubborn,
Then why deal with me?
If I ran away,
Would you care about me?
If I died today,
Would you remember me?
If I can't love you,
Why love you at all?
If I can't hold you,
Why think of you in my arms?
If you don't care for me, why should I care at all?

alive again

dead and dying
cold, im lying
here all broken.
sold and choken.
stuck on glass
with u? ill pass
things ill find
ill see along my mind
that without you im fine
i have all the time,
to figure out my life,
to pass through strife,
go past fights
to see the light.
whats better now
is high than the DOW,
is clear as day
im sure itll pay
off in the long run,
but this time the fun
is over and done
im off into the sun
with my choices held true
and not even blue.
one thing ill say ,
ill say even today
what ever had happened i wont regret
i say that until every sunset.
every smile starts with a frown
and ill go off into another town
to find the better one
and have forever fun.

feeling blue

feeling sad
coming out of the blues
wondering about
with just one answer
what about you?
funny thing is
nothing is ever the same
people wonders about
goes through the changes
but a friend said
do we stay the same
to our true selves?
or change to
an undeniable monster?
still seeking,
without success
become the point of
our own hypocrisy
to admit to our
own guilts or
blame the ones
around us, later
regretting everything
there is to regret
with our own
miserable existence.

we take things for granted
controlling those around us
hating those that do not
match our ideals of living
always picking up someone's
mistakes, ignoring our own's
filled with scars and scared
of our own weakness being
revealed, destroying others
before their chance is given.

with that thought i leave you to think about this:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/07/29/florida.burn.quran.day/index.html

There is something about you
that makes me simile
for no reason. When
I am near you
i just want to be there
holding your hand.
In the dark or light
i see your face
but it never goes
away. You are different..
why is that?

I don't want to lose you all
i want is talking to you
day and night. But you
are leaving me
I can't fight the anger
or tears that soon
come to my face.

I want you to hug me
forever. I want so
many things, but i am
just dreaming. My mind
controls the thoughts
of you and me.

But is possible to
forget something that
you feel like you know
for your entire life.

Acceptance Is All We Plead For

Just a little..essay I guess you could call it, for myself that I decided to write. I have it on my blog (http://nostalgiaeatssuperbwords.blogspot.com/) and well I decided hey why not post it here?

here ya go.

Throughout the few years of life I've lived, I've seen humans as a combination of many different things. Some of those things being: kind, loving, emotional, caring, cruel, harsh, mean and rude. The list can go on for almost as long as an English dictionary itself. Humans as well, have a tendency of putting things into categories, including people. We as well have habits of keeping everything we dislike away from us, and everything we like, and only like, allowed near us. If that made any sense.

Media, it's everywhere. This is the number one negative influence on our minds. Things can only be a certain way, and if not a certain way, then they are wrong; instantly those things become outsiders. One must be skinny, another must have straight hair, this one must have good taste in clothing, and if this one eats that then this one is a "weirdo". Only certain things are in style, and if you don't have those wonderful in-style things, then out you go. You're not welcome into this great world of acceptance. I sit here and wonder, "where have all the good things gone?". There are still good things out there, I've realized. There are still good people. But is there really still only good itself?

Today, many people suffer of self hate because they are not what others like. I myself am one of those victims. I grew up being constantly teased because of my weight, always put down because I wasn't skinny like the others in my class, used an unbelievable amount of times because of my kindness towards others and my sensitivity. I would cry almost everyday. And me, thinking I couldn't do anything about it I never told my parents until I hit the end of 6th grade. I've learned though, that even running away, and trying to escape such things, was actually impossible. No matter what, we would all hit these obstacles, even if we are experienced drivers in life. There will always be someone around to step on you, to bring you down, to anger you, to agitate you, to laugh at you instead of with you, to make fun of you, to gossip about you, to hurt you, to beat you; there will always be someone like that around.

Those who put others down, and do things like the ones I've just listed, they as well get their share of pain and suffering. There is not one person in this world who has not had something happen to them that has made them angry and or sad. Like they say, What goes around, Comes around.

The scars left on me from the past I've realized will never heal. Even when I don't think about it for long periods of time, it somehow always comes back. The memories, along with the anger held inside. it's something that stays with you forever...

I would like to let those who have been hurt know: You are not alone.

And to those who hurt others: You will all get your turn of pain, and soon feel what you've made others feel.

Because as humans...acceptance is all we plead for.

Pain of Uncertainty~ to love?

Feeling this pain,
This uncertainty
Not sure of the
Near future anymore.
Only aware of the
Worst of nightmares
And the loss of those
That mattered once.
Already happened before
Thought would be use
To that damn pain
But it never ends
and the cycle never bends.
From day to night
Weeks to months and to years
This pain never goes away.
We might not speak to each other
We might not exist
On the other's world.
We might not be together
'Till the end of time
But don't worry
I will always love you.

*This is my last post in this blog. I will be posting all of my poem either on my face book [either accounts], or on my blog. Feel free to wonder around.

wut kind of contact lenses are you wearing

Biomedics 55.

Ask me anything

do words hurt you?

No. They're just irritating.

Ask me anything

Understanding it

When I see myself
in the mirror
my face doesn't
move at all.
Its looking at the
shiny crystal
wondering
the image around it.

You believe you
get one chance in life
but what if you don't
all? Your hearts
makes you believe
you understand
the truth.

Sometimes humans
can't face the reality
of what will happen
if they lose
something.

Other times
you could get
back to their
face. But it is
worth? Secrets
and friendships
are like two
currents flowing against
each other racing
to reach the sand.

When someone says
to you "When
a person tells you
keep a secret, the whole
point is don't tell anyone"
Don't everyone does that?

The person who asked me
did that person or
any people in the world
have did the something
to others. But the
quite crystal
doesn't anything
because she knows
it is not worth it.

Things come and go,
you hate each other
then you like each other.
Our emotions, our minds
makes us who we are
today.

As I look at the pieces of
the crystal,my eyes say
don't judge a person
on a quick action.
Because you know
what how do you
know you might not
do it? Don't be
blind it just
walk away and
do it yourself
to make you
happy.

Let the Words Flow [unedited]

{this is copied from my blog, [http://vampirishie.blogspot.com/] and is my original post. you copy, and you die (metaphorically)but will be sued}
Alright,
here we go
let the words flow
got my beat
wait a minute,
forgot, i gotta pee,
so BRB.

the beat goes
two three four five
but not one
caz one is for none
but you and me
as we stare into the night
hand in hand
understand that
i wanna be with you more than anything
and you are what mean to me the most.

time goes by
words flow by
but i rather say nothing
caz my actions shows what we can be
than what my words can ever fill
baby, we are the perfect match
but not made in heaven
something more powerful something more divine
something that can never
be explained by all
between the universe
not even by doctor who.

words flows faster than i can speak
emotions all up high there
fighting to be spoken of first
but nothing comes out
caz baby words can't explain what we got
only i can show you
but you gotta trust me
close your eyes
and fall into my arms
and let me guide you
through the mysteries of me
only one last thing to say
swear that's all i am gonna say
its all that matters,
happy three week anniversary
and for an awesome day
every day of my life

Copyright Protected by Iffy Nite

Failure

Screams and Screams
coming out of your mouth.
You are looking in the
mirror wondering
where is the answer
on my face? The dark
brown skin girl with
fragile hands looks
to herself can't see
the blooming flower
what is behind her.

Each laugh come out
from a small joke.
Are the laughs really
worth it? How do you
walk anyway from
a scence that just
happened.
Friends are gone.
You start to believe
them for one
second but in the
end they are lairs.
Each one of them
are a piece of candy
that when you eat them
you can't go back to
stop it. The candy tastes
too good.
She sits in her black-red couch
that her brother brought it
after he left the house.
It has no peace just the
screams of words that
can't be explained in
a piece of paper.
Love, un-fateful. Friendships,
too many of them into
useless crushes and
waste of time.Every
time when she told her
soul she would lose a piece
of candy along the way.
Education,knowledge
in your brain that you
need to keep on moving.
You can't help it because
it is the only thing
that is keeps you alive.
Is it all really
important?

Without anyone

When you go
somewhere
you learn a word.
As you grew older
you start to realize
the true meaning of that
word.

In some point of those days,
a word leads to a friend.
From the day you were born
you grab your first palm
to one friend.

The next word comes
Betrayal. You learn
this word from books,
stories, humans,
and even school.
It has so many
meanings that
you can't decide
what it means.

Sometimes it leads
to meanings of
friendship. What
is a friend? You share
secrets, laughs together
until one day...
just when you realize
you have the hope to
have everything.

It can change from
that. One word, one
whispers. In your own
eyes when you saw what
is going front of you.
You realize a friendship
is a lie.

But yet you already feel the
pain before. It didn't matter.
No curse, no screams, no tears
just hatred.

A kid tells you "give them
some space" "ignore it"
I wonder is what a friendship?
Lies and fake smilies.

But you don't care. Because
the most important thing
in the world is realizing
who you are. Who cares that
they think?

If you believe in yourself
thats it all matters. Nothing
doesn't come out of happiness,
happiness comes out when you gain
it yourself only.

Each pain I reach for
causes me to fall
down. When I do a test
or do my hw I can't help
the feeling where did
everything go? I stare
into space when my mind
wanders off or when a teacher
starts speaking.

Running down that road I can feel
my eyes shaking me. My fingers tapping
the sound of music. What has happened
to me as I wonder. No tears no screams
just blank piece of paper

Is it because of you? Whenever I see you
I am the statue still frozen by the words
you have given me. But as my eyes looks at
your eyes for one second I have got
nothing to say.

It doesn't matter what has happened. I opened
my words to you. Words my happiness it
represents me, who i want to be
in life. Maybe some people
can't get that, but my mind
is different. Its a shooting
star shooting to the moon as it
reaches for something higher.

Friends, what are friends? You make
friends one day the another day you
decide to hate that person. The world
is tiny ball waiting for change in weather
so people can't starve forever.

how it all started

The feeling of looking at the sky shows how much your eyes can wander. Whenever I look at the sky my brain goes calm as the water is touching your feet, it felt like your brain was getting an idea. Each cloud on the sky shows a carving emotion I desire for. Feeling the breeze in your hands, hair, fingers, eyes it makes you calm and it’s like you are the top of the world. I remember when I was 2 years and I used to throw books all over and grab pencils in my hand. Whenever I am holding a pencil or a pen as if writing something my hands start to shake for having the feeling to be a writer. Every time I close my eyes I can see myself sitting in the room and a pencil in my hand trying to write something on the paper. My mother ‘eyes were on me, she’s watching me and I imagine her thinking about what I’ll write…” I didn’t care if my family thought I was insane child in the family. Doing something as a child sounds frightening to a mom. My mom used to tell everyone when my brother was little he was used to play cricket, one of the popular sports as an infant child. I didn’t want or imagine my mom running to my aunts and my grandma how I was writing on a paper with no words. My mind controls me kind of like how a thunder storm controls the sky to throw in heavy drops of rainfall. It took me awhile to hold down the paper and about to write something. My brother used to encourage me saying "you know what to you do it.” With those words, in couple of weeks I write my first word. I was walking around, pushed my mom and grab the stolen pen from her and wrote “bird”. My mom used to carry me to the roof and show me the kinds of birds flying the sky. I felt I was in airplane having adventures, writing down places I have seen in the world.

falling deeper

You change my world with just one smile
you took my heart with just one kiss
you were my world after that one day
you planted a fire in my heart
and brought me peace
you awakened my soul and made me reach for more

You made me better and understanding
Every time i reach out to you,
never failing at finding an outstretched hand
The same hand that surrounds and engulfs the
desolate and frigid hands that i had
now have become full of life and warmth
full of happiness and comfort

I have no need to feel alone
i see how the webs of our hands interlock
as they fall to fit perfectly together
i see how each embrace i fall
deeper into your eyes ans they capture me

The Place

I stepped upon the cement, pondering on the choice of whether I should leave on to this journey or stay here with my family. No, I thought, I must go, how will I become the ‘child to be proud of’ if I don’t? This journey was going to be full of risk. Venomous creatures lurked about, and I was not strong even though at times people considered me brawny. I stepped into the bus, and sat next to the window, since I enjoyed watching the sky and looking at the world surrounding me. Before I knew it, night had become one of autocratic power. I looked down at my old pair of blanched jeans that I had on, and became sleepy. Soon…, I said to myself, Soon… When I woke up, we had arrived to the place. People around me were beginning to put their jackets, sweaters, vests on, and getting up to prepare to bring down their bags. I looked outside, it looked like a nice, warm day out. I put my bag over my shoulder then got up and took down my suitcase. Walking off the bus I felt the sun embrace me. As my eyes wandered, I heard the laughter of kids playing tag around me, two woman discussing how certain men mistreat women, young lovers wondering what colors to paint their living room and kitchen, a man who sells crosses scolding a young boy for using words of blasphemy, and a cat meowing, sitting upon a bench staring at me. People scattered left and right, talking everywhere. I watched as two men unpacked a truck of cement. You could see the sweat glistening on their foreheads from how laborious the work was for them. After watching the men, I snapped back into reality and searched for the ‘secret passage’ I came to look for. After a good 5 minutes or so of observing the area, I found it. I walked towards the forest of the place. At first I stopped before actually stepping foot into it. I was worried of being lost, not being able to get out. I wouldn’t be able to contend against anything because of my weakness. Even so, with all these worries, I continued my trip, and stepped in. Along the walk, I saw many strange looking birds, rodents, and insects. I of course, was very humane, and would never hard any of them for no reason whatsoever. I actually appreciated their presence and stared at their illustrious beauty. After some time, while taking in the scenery, I stumbled upon what at first looked like a menacing beast from many feet away, but when close appeared to be a horse on the ground. I only saw its back, which seemed to have a purple glow on it in the spots where sunlight hit. I walked around to the other side to see its face, since I noticed it was still breathing but not moving. My mouth dropped open. One of it’s eyes looked liked it had been punched, and it had cuts up and down the stomach and legs. The horse seemed to have gone through quite an amount of maltreatment, and intolerable pain. Soon as I saw this beautiful, suffering creature I knew what I need to do next. Be it’s savior. Exactly that, is what I became.

Fire of Life

Sitting in Ms. Walsh's classroom, with nothing to do, I wrote this poem/ songs.
It is inspired by "Into The Night" by Santana.
This song was "gnawing" at me for a while, so with some free time, I decided to put my thoughts into words. =]

You can pull the devil
Right out of me
Or push me closer
To your worst fear
It all depends on you
And your behavior.

When darkness comes to light
All will end that night,
As we all show
Our true selves,
Leaving the facades of mask behind.

We shall dance
‘till the brink of light
Dance, dance, dance
‘till the end of time.
Step in as two,
Step out as one
But only one can live
In this dancing fire of life.

The little devil in all of us
Some are overwhelmed
Others are not,
But ask yourself,
Are you strong enough?
Then dance and
Help me
Pull the devil out into the night.

© Copyrights to Iftekher Mamun

CURSE

I have a skill
that some would call a gift
I call it a curse
Too many times it has come upon me at the wrong time
although I used it to help protect others.

I have a gift
that is not what it seems
because it is a curse
I am no longer who you think I am.
because this power is not really my own.

I have a curse
the blood that flows through my veins
and is mixed with a substance not of this world:
the transformation of a teenager to a demon.
the hideous strength.

I have a secret
I hid this deep inside me to protect you
but nothing can be hid forever.
your words stung and open wounds that still kill me inside.
"no... You're a demon! all this time you were lying to me!"
your words stabbed deeply through my heart.
and when I tried to tell you the truth
I was no longer me.

you who cared in the moments of my sorrow
turned away when you saw me
as a demon.
now i prowl in the darkness.
waiting for any who try to hurt you.
hoping you would wonder why you are so safe
when your life was forfeit the first time i met you.
that I can do: cheat fate for you.
keep you alive a little longer.
be your unknown bodyguard.
My attempt at redeemtion
which will be ever unknown.
that is my inner demon.

this is my skill.
this is my bane.
this is my gift.
this is my curse.my life.

Caught in Your Web of Words

I believed every word you said.
I believed you when you said
that you would comfort me when I was depressed,
that you would calm me down when I was angry,
that you would cheer me up when I was feeling doleful,
that you would help me when I needed help,
that you would protect me when I was in danger,
that you would heal me when I was wounded,
that you would wipe away my tears when I cried...

that you would never leave me alone...

that you would love me...

forever and always...

These words became my bible,
my book of faith.

But I stopped believing
when you stopped following your promises...

when you stopped being there for me...

when you stopped loving me...

And I'm in pain,
because I can't let go of your words,
even though you have let go of me...

No More Tears? [only ms. walsh knows what the song is for :p]

I see you
Sad in the corner
Alone to cry
And hold no one but
Yourself.

But I am here to say
Nothing makes my day
Other than to see
you smile...
One more time.

So please, one more time
Just maybe one last time
Don't cry anymore.
Give me a smile
And say,
I love you,
Just like I loved you.

BORED TOO

I'm bored too.......................................

I like me some fried chicken.

FRIED.

gimme some cheese fries, a coke, and I'm happy.


ok haha bye.

BORED

I'm bored..................................................

I like chicken.

TEE HEE

The thought of you

Just get out of my head.

Get out of my head because this love is dead.

Get out of my heart.

Get out of my heart because your silence tore it apart.

Get out of my soul.

Get out of my soul because I finally found out you aren't the one who'll make it whole.

Damnit...I can't get you out of my head...

because in my head my love for you truly isn't dead...

Song for the Numb

I once felt pretty
I never felt ashamed
I once felt crazy
But that was all a game
I never treasured
A friendship such as this
I never measured
The meaning of a kiss..

And now you've fallen! You're crawling back to me!
And now I'm crying, cause you were so fake with me!
I can't believe this, these useless words and fears!
And I'm forgotten along with all my tears...

I never once knew
The way you truly felt
You never seemed to care
You barely even helped
When I was crying
I called out your name
But you just figured I'd come back the next day
I bet you never thought I could even stand alone!
I bet you thought I'd come running to your throne
Your throne of dead flowers
And all your lies and fears!

And now you've fallen! You're crawling back to me!
And now I'm crying, cause you were so fake with me!
I can't believe this, these useless words and fears!
And I'm forgotten along with all my tears...

And now you've fallen! You're crawling back to me!
And now I'm crying, cause you were so fake with me!
I can't believe this, these useless words and fears!
And I'm forgotten, and I'm forgotten, and I'm forgotten,

And I...

And I....

And I.....

And I......

I am numb...

Pretty Wings

"Your face will be the reason I smile, but I will not see what I can not have forever.."

Your feathers were so soft, your pretty wings..
So beautiful, so right, so wonderfully comfortable.

Those eyes looked at me lovingly,
and gave me a sense of this lasting forever.

Holding you...I feel the love sink in deeply.
I never want to let go..wish we could stay this way forever.

Me, caressing those pretty wings...
Long as you don't fly away I am happy.

"..let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around.."

I have to learn to let go though, learn to accept the fact it may happen.

lifting into the air slowly, hovering above me asleep,
your hair hanging down, softly passing through my hands...

those pretty wings eventually learned how to fly..and grew..

question is, shall you stay hovering over me...or shall you slowly fade away..

taking my breath away with you...


your pretty wings...

those pretty wings...

the part of you...I may not understand...but can learn about eventually...if you let me.

"...fly your pretty wings around"







inspired by the song Pretty Wings by Maxwell, quotations from the song.

Pain never goes away

Tick off, Tick off
my head going around
each second as the time
of the clock goes on forever.
Day and night my head never
stops thinking why is that?...
I wonder. The beat of my heart
beats like a car is going across
a red light.

My legs shaking as if i have been
running forever. Fingers writing as
if they want to write like this. Parents
yelling at each other, my own mom accuses
me the blame of her marriage problems.

As I go away to my room i grab something to
hurt myself. The thought of hurting myself
is making the pain away. Starting at the wall,
listening to music trying to make the pain go away.
I need something that can set me free. I want to be
free as a bird flying away from this world.

School never ends with the madness in your brain, my
brain goes as if a hot flaming burning down a building.
The pressure of studies counting by, but I don't care about
school. As i get my report card I stare at them as if they were a
puzzle to me that i am trying to solve. I look at down the subjects,
as the tears on my eyes start as falling down. I realized I failed
a class, I wonder whats wrong with me?

My life moving around a direction as if someone trying to
tell me someone. Friends, sigh I got no friends to help me
they are bunch of users on me. Whats difference of
friendship? You start to walk away from them as
soon they turn their backs on you. Talking snit
about you and laughing at you as if you were no
body. One user friend tells you why does everyone
take advantage of you? You can't be mean? I am like
I want to be the bigger person with
no drama flowing down on me.

In such small school with big dramas going on,
people you don't know pointing fingers at you.
As walking away you realized you forget to eat something
when if a random person tells your mouth smells.
Walking and Walking you bum into your ex crush who you
stopped speaking to 5 months.

It dosen't matter anymore the tears are useless I just want to
be free. I take my stuff and go out the door as I never look back
and whats behind me.

boredom

this is what boredom does to me... -.-
either let my creativity bloom or show my other horror blood gory side.

Once upon a time, there was a princess and a frog...

"WAIT, WHAT?" said the fanatic girl. "that's so lame. give me a real life story bro. this is chicken sh** i heard many times before in nap time. BORING!" This girl was very strange indeed. Even though, for the fact that she is only 9, her love for horror stories exceeds her brother's by the multiples.

"Sorry, mom said I can't tell you about the horror stories I know about. It's too graphic for a kid of your age" replies the Brother.

"But there are more violent things that happens in the world that I see on a daily basis. More and more kids die watching idiot adults fight for things they don't understand. So by that I have the right to watch, read or listen to anything I want as adults are acting like kid."

Indeed this girl is different, maybe she is even ready to learn about this secret that I carry within myself, but she is too young in physical attributes. How about mental? let's find out then the Brother's thoughts rant on. "Alright fine, you win. Happy?" The little girl's face lit up with joy for a moment quickly before she was able to hide it. "Did you notice that I would sometime disappear for weeks and very rarely months without calling?" The Brother continues without stopping for a pause as if he is in great rush. After all, its been a while since he told anyone about this secret of his, and the last person that knew of this have died... in his hand.
~To Be Continued~