Pandora's Box

What happened to those old times?
Children playing,
Adults laughing,
Everyone happy.

Everything was good....

But, now,
The world is a cruel place
Filled with evil, sadness, and greediness

Children crying,
Adults worried,
Everyone sad.

There is no peace,
Everyone is fighting,
Nobody is getting along.
Many people are sick and dying.
No sign of love anywhere....

What am I to do?
It's too late:

Pandora's box has been opened.

But at least,
We have hope.....

lost. vacant of inspiration.

sometimes, the worst of all things that could possibly happen to someone who is writing is losing their inspiration. just like losing their train of thought while you are in a conversation, or when you are at a lost of words to describe what you want to say, losing inspiration is a road block. an involuntary stop, forcing you to lose your mind.
i have one of those now. I've been having one for the last 2 years. sometimes i don't even notice it's there. but now, more than ever, with my urge of wanting to write, i can't help but hate this road block. maybe I'm just thinking too much. maybe I'm nervous over what i write and unlike now i can't "think" to write. MAYbe, the best forms of writing, are those that fall in the forms of a rant.

maybe that's my inspiration. ranting. =) man, do i love to rant. ranting, and rambling, and wondering, and inspiring. inspiring....my ins[iration! why, is it back? or was it never gone? hmmm. imma go take a shower, and hopefully begin my long, overdue essay that i have been needing to do. thank you inspiration. you are my life, so stay here with me.

Hot Coco

Its 20 minutes to nine o'clock.
I sit, legs crossed, drinking hot coco.
It burns my tongue, and I wonder
When will I learn, to let it cool off first?

The taste is sweet and dry.
I let it warm my body
And start feeling strange.

I look into the cup,
the left over dark chocolate at the bottom
it smells good
but tastes dry and bitter.

I think of my life
as I stare into the cup.
I think and think.
Its Christmas,

So Why am I so down?

I feel like I am about to cry
When the phone of my mind rings

Its my brother calling

My brother is calling

And I feel a joy in my heart that I cannot describe.

As I hold the phone to my heart I whisper the words
that I wished to say everyday

"I've missed you...I love you"...

Bittersweet failure

Struck in a place where no one can't see me, just when things were going okay I lose everything. I lose my friends, i lose my perfect grades that goes down the hill and never going back. Alone, tired, scared, feeling lost in the dark that is making my stomach hungry. Eyes popping out when I saw my next term period, thinking "I am so stupid and want to die". You feel like you tried everything and want to give up on yourself.

Your teacher tells you to work hard, but so what? IN your mind you are saying "I am working hark maybe I am just stupid". People life is a challenge, life to me is a roller coaster that is going up and down. Now I am all way down and lost, crying for help. Life is also unfair, you see people that you hate gets everything you ever wanted but you just have to kept on working. You get mixed of emotions, jealously and angry.

But listening to music clams me down. You can't tell anyone your secret because you just scared it is going to turn into gossip, crush, problems, life.

Failure

Just when I thought everything was going well,

It hits me.

It makes me fall onto my knees,
and cuts my hands like glass.
It gives me headaches and...
It makes me cry.

So much to do in such little time,
how can I ever finish?
How will I ever succeed?

All I can do is ask myself how
and say "Its impossible"
What am I good at?
And what am I useful for?

I don't deserve to be alive.
I should've never been born.
Because how can a person like me,
please my parents?

I'm a mistake, a burden.

How can a person like me,
succeed in college?
Pass with such confidence to make a great future?
Support the one I love?

How can I?
When I'm no good
When I'm of no use...
And all I can do is cry about it.

Because I'm a failure.

A failure...

You could tell me I'm beautiful

But can you tell me why I should believe?

You can say you think I'm intelligent

But can you prove it to the rest of them?

You can say I'm so kind

But what do you truly say when I'm not looking?

If you plan to spread gossip,

If you plan to start fights,

Get away from me,

'Cause there's no way I'm arguing today

You can say that you want me

But you'll just use me to impress

You can kick me and spit at me

Just to show that it's cool

Well let me tell you one thing

You don't make the rules

Lets see you talk back

Lets see you act mean

Lets see you win a fight

Without your buddies

I am going to tell you here

I am going to tell you now

I am stronger than you are

I am stronger by the miles

So stop the sweet act

'Cause you lost the round

And here I go walking

Down to "Proud of me" town.

The Empty Stare

Those eyes
across from me
they lie
uncomfortably

that stare
successfully
took my dignity
and the hope from me

the silence
echoed in my ears
and gave me fear
that you would'nt be near

that twinkle
It gave me chills
and somehow
I felt thrilled

The color
made me think
of my feelings
of my own dreams

That look
It killed me
I felt as if
I was no longer free

Those eyes
across from me
the stare is...
Just so empty

Its is over

aaaaaaaaaaaaa! I can't take it anymore. The clock striking midnight making me tired, useless that is making my eyes go to sleep. Wide awake starting at the window I feel I am faraway in a island filled with ice cream, the ocean that is making my body sweat off the heat that is making my mind esle where. I can't move or stand up, my legs just want to run and run. Out the sky I imagine my life turning around the way I want to. But it shows me a rocking cradle that is going back and forth like a time that is never going back just staying same.

I feel lost, my eyes red and black like the color a crayon or a ugly bird that is eating a person up. I can't breathe and my brain is bursting open into a skull. Too many thoughts! I can't survive it anymore I imagine flying up to the sky. I see god looking at me smiling and listening to me, wondering why i am here? But I can feel a smile on my face no school, no parents, no drama, no boys, no friends that makes my blood rise up to the dark shadows of the grave. Looking inside a mirror I see my parents fighting, i see my mom abusing me like a little baby is about to cry. But I feel jumping up and down, no life for me. Tears running down my face my mom telling me harsh words that is my body breaking into pieces.

I see myelf closing my eyes and never opening them again. I just stay still for one second, one piece of peace that is taking my last breath. The past is hunting over, "true friends" can't trust on them and ditching me everyday. But the truth is they don't like me or can't stand me. They all wish I was gone forever. Friends lieing to me my face when my face is about to burst in a small baby cry. The truth is I have no friends and I am alone. Everyone hates me, no one can't hear me. They all busy with their own lives and they forget me, leaving me alone in the dark shadows. The mirror looks at me I have white eyes that are about to crack open, books can only save me. No books no anything. Just me and my actions.

I kept on running and running until I take my last breath then it is all over for me. No blood, no friends, no parents, just me flying to the sky and smiling in my face like a small child is about to eat ice cream.

I'm just another silent leaf in the big park

I am not that pretty and I am not that cool
I'm not that funny and I do poorly in school
I give so much love but get none back
and happiness is an emotion I often lack
I feel so alone and I feel so sad
Mom always arguing with me
and where the hell is my dad
I cant really dance I cant even cook
I like to read but could barley afford a book
I have no sense of fashion and I dont really know my friends
I'm clumsy and akward and the problems never seem to end
Can't solve my problems because I hate math
and my future seems to be taking the completly wrong path
so Ill just continue to cry in the dark
because I'm just another silent leaf in the big park

"h3r0"

So you call yourself a hero, huh?
I have many who would say otherwise.
a whole city still teeming with swords,
ready to tear at your flesh.
I am among them,
with a dagger ready to give the final blow

So you call yourself a hero, do you?
I can speak to the contrary.
when you hurt the person I cared about,
you made a fatal mistake.
now, come get what you deserve,
reap the whirlwind you have sown.

So you call yourself a hero, yes?
your crime far outweighs anything you could say.
I am not alone.
the people you have hurt cry out for your blood, you criminal!
their strength floods my limbs,
as I prepare a deadly blow.

So you call yourself a hero, huh?
no more sorrow.
i paid for your mistakes.
your time has been borrowed for quite some time now,
and im here to take it all back!

then right when the deed is as good as done,
I turn away.
Killing you would be doing the same as what you did to others.
the cries for blood still ring in my ears.
but I will not be the monster some people make me out to be.
still, I know that you are the source of the pain.
so I do the only thing I can to stop you.

Just sit,
and think how when you could taste death,
someone had a mind of their own.
so tell me now, as you look death in the eye
(oh, I forgot: you CANT look me in the eyes)...

Hero?
No

Jealousy

He hugs her and smiles saying she's so beautiful
Right in front of me...Why in front of me?
He's my best friend, supposedly, but ever since our first argument...

Its just not the same...

He makes her laugh, just to see her giggle and smile.
He hugs her constantly,
what happened to the hugs he used to give me?

Now its just me hugging...and no hug in return...

He always has his arm around her
He only reacts happily when he sees her
No more joyful screams for me...

Its silent in the hallways...

Now when we are together,
He isn't as happy as he used to be.
More happy when she's around...

Why do I think of this daily?...

I feel like no longer speaking to them...
I feel like ignoring them, and leaving them...
alone..

The question comes to mind...

Am I jealous?...

I don't want it to control me...
What if I blurt out "I love you" to him
I am with someone I am in love with...

So why am I feeling this way?

The one I love, I plan to be with until the day I die.
I will always be with the one I love.
But why do I feel like...pulling him into my arms and...

These feelings are ridiculous...

It's not worth crying over someone you can never...
never...have.
Not as a friend
Not as a lover
Not even as an aquintence

I am sick of this feeling...
this Jealousy...

I hate it with a passion that will never end...
not even when I am dead.

I hate it...
I truly hate it....

Imagine.

We are really AnImaLs.

Has news of the newly famous
S H O E – T H R O W E R
yet reached your ears?

C O N D O L E E Z A
is very upset-
but has never considered
R E S I G N I N G
because
September 11
has
made us
a
family.

W E
N E E D E D
S E P T E M B E R 11
to give us the
T O O L S
to
get along with
one another-
“better”?!!!

N E W S F L A S H !
Secret picture of
P R E S I D E N T E LECT
indicates that
B A R A C K O B A M A
wore
jazzy
stylish
hats
before
he
was
voted
in.

Y O U R S E C R E T S I S O U T!
and
S U B J E C T – V E R B A G R E E M E N T
is considered-
unimportant…
to some members.. of our
C O R R E C T C O U N T R Y
where
E D U C A T I O N is
S O A V A I L A B L E
and neither are
C A P I T A L L E T T E R S,
starting sentences with
A N D,
U S I N G C O M M A S
and
W R I T I N G W I T H C L A R I T Y.

Wait.

What’s not important?
To Whom? Really?

You might not understand the
S U B T E X T.

C O M M E R C I A L S
tell us that
W O M E N L O V E S P A “S T U F F”
and
T E A C H E R S
Tell
B O Y S N O T T O A C T L I K E G I R L S.

P I R A T E S
are I N V A D I N G N E A R S O M O L I A
and maybe we’ll
A T T A C K T H E M!

Imagine.

We have nO ReASoN to think about these things.

December

The snow falls on my head and melts into small feelings of compassion.
I walk to anywhere, I don't know where I am going, but I am still walking to wherever it is.
As I walk I watch the gray clouds above me and the snow falling.
My mind is full of memories.

The name passes my mind and at that moment my eyes open widely.
I stop walking.
I no longer look up, I begin to look down.
The tears have formed and fallen onto my boots.

I am standing in an empty, quiet place.
Full of snow, and loneliness.
The tears stop and my face feels tired.
I continue to walk, not looking up just yet.

After a few minutes of hearing the wind blow and watching my feet pound into the snow,
I look up again.
A light forms within the clouds.
My eyes squint.

The clouds move away from the light more and more.
And the snow continues to fall.
There it was.
What I was looking for.

I smile and continue to walk anywhere.
It shined upon my head.
Melting those little snow flakes,
Into small feelings of compassion.

Into Happiness and Love.

Merry Christmas To all those who have gotten me where I am today, To those who have stayed by me through good and bad, To those who have given me advice in order to help me better my future, To those who have made me laugh when I cried, To those who I know and don't know, To those I've lost...To everyone I've cried for. To everyone I love...

To the little snow flakes that have fallen upon my head and melted...into feelings of unstoppable happiness.

A Voice Screaming In My Head...

A voice screaming in my head…

says that I am confident.
I am strong.
I am-
better.

Who is that?

Where is she?

Why doesn’t she come out unless I’ve woken up early enough to take a shower in the morning and laid out my clothes because I’ve gone to bed early enough?

What does she look like?

Where is she hiding when I’m
drowning-
my sorrows in graham cracker cheesecake
with cherries on top
and locking-
myself away with nothing but
a paintbrush
some canvas
and the voice of the other me
whispering coarsly?

The smaller,
cowardly,
worst me possible...

Distance

If I could show you the feelings I hold within,

I would never smile.

I would reach out for my heart,

yet never reach it.

An unbelievably far distance...

between how I really feel,

and the me people think they know.

SCREAM!

The anger wells up inside of me.
And I break out and yell.
Breaking,
ripping anything in my way.
My throat hurts with cries of
anguishing pain.
They call me crazy.
I am.
I am worthless and not useful.
A BURDEN
to those around me.
I am a beast,
a monster.
And I scream out my anger.
Scream it.
I scream and scream,
until the rain pours and I am
sleeping.
Until the next day I do it again.
I scream.

worst crime is silence

Forgive me, for what I have done.
I didn’t know that I was hurting you.
I had no clue.
You never said anything
I’m here for you always.
And yet you said nothing.
You said nothing even as the
Pain you have now is mine.
I gave you the pain I have.
Now I feel bad.
But you never said anything.
Not even one word loose.
You were there for me always.
I want to be there for you too.
Just give me a chance to help.
Just as you cared for me
When I was down and out,
I shall do the same for you.
I know how it feels like.
I want no one to feel
Like how I felt, ever.
You knew this
And yet you never said anything.
You kept those lips sealed.
The serene peace and silence you kept.
Showing no signs of weakness
Or struggle whatsoever.
The strength you had to take it.
The weakness I contained.
I knew that you knew this already.
But you never said anything.
Now I sit here wondering, why?
And I realize you did it
All just to save me
From my impending doom.
You took it and placed it upon yourself.
The fate I deserved, you took.
You took it high on your shoulders.
But you never said anything.
And I don’t think you ever will.
I shall thank you for the rest of my life,
Trying to save you the best I could.
But I never come close to what
You have done for me.
The greatest thing anyone
has ever done for me.
And even though you don’t
want to say one word.
And have those lips sealed.
I will do the speaking for you.
Carrying your name on and
How you saved me.
From myself.

Empty Paper

I stare at the paper in front of me.

Empty and clean.

With nothing in mind to write,

I tap my pen annoyed.

Words won't come to my mouth,

They won't come onto the paper.

It's empty...

I think, and think...and think...

What is ther to write about?

What should I write about?

What to write...what to write...

The paper is still emtpy.

It's hungry for words,

and my hand's yearning for movement.

Nothing comes to my mind...

I drop the pen and leave my desk,

angry at the fact I ended up writing nothing.

I go to sleep.

I wake up hours later.

I sit back at my desk...

I pick up the pen.

I begin to write on the empty paper...

A story of my life.

My Curse... My Gift

I have a skill
that some would call a gift.
I call it a curse.
Too many times it has come upon me at the wrong time.
although I used it to help protect others.

I have a gift
that is not what it seems
because it is a curse
I am no longer who you think I am.
because this power is not really my own.

I have a curse
the blood that flows through my veins
and is mixed with a substance not of this world:
the transformation of a teenager to a demon.
the hideous strength.

I have a secret
I hid this deep inside me to protect you
but nothing can be hid forever.
your words stung and open wounds that still kill me inside.
"no... You're a demon! all this time you were lying to me!"
your words stabbed deeply through my heart.
and when I tried to tell you the truth
I was no longer me.
you who cared in the moments of my sorrow
turned away when you saw me
as a demon.

now i prowl in the darkness.
waiting for any who try to hurt you.
hoping you would wonder why you are so safe
when your life was forfeit the first time i met you.
that I can do: cheat fate for you.
keep you alive a little longer.
be your unknown bodyguard.
My attempt at redeemtion
which will be ever unknown.

that is my inner demon.
this is my skill.
this is my bane.
this is my gift.
this is my curse.

my life.

i think i am lost

Music is the light at the
End of the tunnel I face.
Love is the treasure you
Seek at the end of the rainbow.
Pain is around us in a mist
That covers us completely.
The fear we face is real, it
Exists only in our minds.
The life we live is
A life of mystery.
Never knowing where it starts,
And when it ends.
Never knowing the solution to
A problem is the problem itself.
The fact a solution exists
Is the troubling fact.
We need to find that solution
In ourselves to survive.
Maybe you will never understand.
Maybe you will get to know this,
And use it to your advantage.
I will die with a smile,
Knowing that one day,
One day,…
Someone will get me.

all in time

The words we speak, is
The words we understand.
What we think, is
What we get.
We keep the promises.
Some promises are cold,
And empty and dark.
Those are the empty promises
That fills you up.
Then as it is fulfilled, slowly,
But surely. You gain from it.
No longer cold and empty,
But warm and full.
Fully grasping the idea
In your hands, catching the
Chance as it goes by in
A split second.
We see as the day comes
And goes before our eyes.
We see who is true.
We can tell who will be there.
The ones that always
Will care for you.
The words of wisdom, benefit,
Caring, and love for you.
Never letting go of
Their hands through life.
Sharing each moment together.
For as long as time lets you.

Secret?

I kept you safe for as long
As I possibly could.
It seemed to leak loose.
I kept it to protect you.
To save you. I was your
Friend, your hero.
You lost faith and beat me.
I didn’t want to hurt you,
And I will never will.
So I turned to give you
What you wanted.
A chance for revenge,
A chance to relieve your
Anger, hate you have all
Towards me and I will
Accept it from your
Burdened shoulders.
I tried hard to save you. But it
Seems like you didn’t care.
I was there still help
You in your time of need.
This secret I keep, was not
Meant to be heard.
I kept it as best as I could.
It seems like when I had
My back turned for one second,
It escaped and you found it.
It destroyed me completely.
Because of that day and second,
I will never forgive myself.
I caused all the problems.
The problems you have is
Mine as well.
No sense in avoiding it because
You will have to face it eventually.
This secret I kept will
Be kept from others and
For their safety as well.
I fear the worst of myself.
I don’t understand yet what
My consequences seem to be.
But this pain I carry is
My burden for life.
My burden alone and no one
Else will help or intervene.
My burden for life and
This secret brings it as well.
Both intertwining into my soul,
I will never forget it.
It is inscribed into my skin
And mind for as long
as I can remember

Pain in Confusion

The pain feels better
And better as I feel it upon my
Cold lifeless body.
It fills me up wholly.
It shouldn’t be that way.
Pain is a bad thing.
But the pain brings pleasure to me.
Makes me feel whole.
Growing up with pain,
Living with pain is a daily
Routine for me.
Pain brings me to a whole
Other level.
This feels so good to me.
Bringing the pain back again.
Love the way it feels on me.
People that watch me hurt myself,
And stop me from doing so.
Cant ever stop this
Newly found addition of mine.
I understand why they want me
To stop this.
I can’t live without the pain.
The pain I feel is like,
A short burst of self inflicted pleasure.
It is like pricking yourself on
The beauty of a rose whose
Beauty engulfs you.
Like the love and care you
Have in your heart.
Even though it is a bad thing.
I would do many things to save you.
I would help you when you need it.
This is one of the things that
I don’t need saving upon.
The pain fills in the
void that I have within.
I have nothing better to live for.
I would give my life for you.
I would do anything for you.
This fact of pain doesn’t
change anything at all.
I will live my live for you.
You will live your live for yourself.
I don’t have much of
a future ahead of me.
It all looks so bleak to me.
I don’t understand this world.
I am a stranger in this land.
All I have is you.
My heart is incapable of living.
Too much confusion.
I am being sucked into a sea of
Emotions that leads into a black hole
That is my heart.
The masochist within
only survives and
Is the only part of me
That I am willing to show
Under all of my layers
And layers of secrecy and mystery.
No one understands me yet.
But as you look behind and
Remember what I had gone,
You will understand
What I had gone through.
The pain I had suffered then,
And the pain I suffer now.

grave digger

Words can kill people like
The atomic bomb that destroys life
As we know it now.
I cant speak because it hurts.
The pain I feel is like
No other kind of pain in the world.
The words, they choke me and
I cant breathe now.
Drowning in a river of pain and sorrow
That I have made for myself over the years.
Writing it out helps more now than it did.
The tears will not come.
I am digging my grave
In myself and I can’t stop.
My world has come crashing down.
So far down into my grave I lie.
As rose in my hand to remind me of life.
I watch you above me, and
You never knowing I am there.
Watching the pain you release
As I take it from you,
Relieving you from your troubles.
That way you wont dig
Your own grave like I have.
Doing this grave digging isn’t so much fun.
The lives I bury, the faces I see.
The pain I feel through them.
This will kill me one day.
But this is the life
that i am doomed to live.

Winter's Chilling

The day begins late, as the sun slowly rises over the eastern buildings, that are towering over the bundled up people. seeking refugee behind the thin glass of shelter at the bus stop, i dreaded the beginning of another early day. school contained all the things i wanted to avoid, yet i pursed it 5 days a week, knowing it would all pay off someday. i have always resented days like this. cold, rainy, and dark. a combination that almost always promised a bad day. for this reason, i wish to leave new york. the wish to run away from the constant season change, the putrid air, annoying people, constant demands, and the brutality of everyday. i wonder why live here, if happiness is so hard to come by? hope flushes my inside sadness as i realize that somewhere out there, there is a place to be happy. maybe new york is just not for me. maybe the trash, the deaths, the rush of day is just too much. but i know that one day, i will find that place. my happy place. a place where snow has never touched the grounds, where rain was as common as a drought was to new york. and most of all, a place where people never rushed. school began after the sun raised and i would never have to wait in the cold windy, rain for the crowded, dirty, stuffed bus to arrive.

Message from Ms. Walsh About Commenting

Hello fellow writers,

I am writing to encourage all of you to read each others blog postings. There are amazing pieces of writing on here that range from journal entries, to life musings, to poetry, to diatrabes, to short stories!

I know that as a writer myself, feedback is an important element that fosters growth. I invite you to start commenting on each other's work. Keep your comments to questions that could help the writer see his or her own writing from a different perspective.

Happy reading,

Ms. Walsh

Nothing will be the same ever again

My heart beats as each same time I saw his face and eyes that are looking at me.It scares me a little and gives a chill toward my body, wondering "why I am talking to him"?But as I am talking to him on email, my eyes and my face go into a blank expression when i asked him a question and this way he anwsers it. I get mad and terrifed, so I ingorne him by delting him on email and everything esle I have of him. But my mind can't stop thinking about him, it weakens and weakens. Somehow I lose my focus but gain my thoughts. I go to people thinking confused and wondering what should l do? But then a miracle happens, I don't know how but my friends are there for me and helping me out. I don't feel alone anymore and I know I will make the right choice coming out from my heart.

Life is simply too short

your eyes open for the first time
you experience sorrow and joy for the first time
you experince life all together for the first time
your eyes close for the last time

Haiku Poems By Me

Good Times
The Smell of Flowers
as they lay on my bedroom floor
I wonder if she is there

Passing Time By
On the warm blanket
We lay there motionless
Watching the sunset

True Liars
Listening to her stories
Drifting away on the waves of deceit
While the creatures surround me

Train
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting
Time is going by really fast
When will it come

Deceiving Friends

Deceiving Friends like to lie
But they could be as bright as my socks
They can be graceful as butterflies
Yet again sly as a fox

Deceiving Friends can be peppy in your face
Then they start to slack
When you find out they lied they’re a disgrace
But you still want them back

Deceiving Friends

Whats Wrong

What’s wrong with these teachers?
They act like their preachers
Thinking they know why we act like this

What’s wrong with these teachers?
Talking so loud and proud
Keeping us after class when school is dismissed

What’s wrong with these teachers?
Giving us bad grades
Like their out to get us

What’s wrong with these teachers?
Calling our parents
Making them scream and fuss

What’s wrong with these teachers?
They say they care and then
We get yelled at in class


What’s wrong with these teachers?
Acting like preachers
Talking loud and proud
Giving us bad grades
Calling our parents
Saying they care

What’s wrong with these teachers?
They act like our parents and I guess that’s why they’re here

hurt me so you wont have to hurt

Take out your life stresses on me
I will not fight back
Tell me about you life issues
I won’t bother you with mine
You can cry on my shoulder
I’ll just give you my next shoulder in return
Get angry at me about what happened to you yesterday
I’ll just act like it is my fault anyways
Insult me, hit me, Hate me too
If it means you’ll be happy I’ll even disappear
Pretend like I’m a stranger around the cool crowd
But when you remember you’re a loser like me Ill be waiting for you
Tell me to jump and I’ll ask how high
If I tell you jump you’ll tell me I must be crazy
Treat me like a dog and make me cry
I’ll pretend like everything all right
I pushed you out the way from all the pain
You pushed me in the way so the pain wouldn’t reach you
I gave you my last breath of life
You gave me the finger and used the last breath to laugh
hurt me so you wont have to hurt

Love Letter

Dear Love,



I've really come to miss you so much...I wonder how you've been. I miss you so much. There are days I space out in the middle of class thinking about you. As soon as my math teacher calls on me i have no idea what she asked and then i get confused. Heheh...so much for trying to get a higher grade.


Lately the very thought of you has gotten to me. I would come home trying not to think of it. But in the end, I cry in bed before I sleep. What should I do? I wonder... I've been thinking of how far you are from me, I want to grasp your arm and pull you into a tight hug. I wouldn't let go. I would never let go...

I try my best not to be so down about it, after all, I'm lucky enough to be able to talk to you right? Then I notice...I'm going crazy. I want to fly over there and steal you. Keep you for myself, I know it's selfish, but its okay to act selfish once in a while, right...? I miss you. I miss you very much. I love you. I want you to know I love you more than anyone, I care about you more than anyone. I've fallen hard for you, its come to the point that once we meet, and I assure you we will, I will make love to you until we can no longer stand, because I won't be able to hold in these feelings...

I cry now because I miss you, but I shouldn't cry. I should smile. So I will do my best to smile. I had a dream of you just a few days ago...you had come to new york. You came for me. We were together at last. I made up my mind, I will start working again...I will make money. I will save it, and if I get up to 500 dollars, I can open a bank account and keep saving the money. If I risk the little good relationship left with my parents, I will do so.

I will forget about school, but I wont forget to support you. You are the only one I feel this way for. I just...love you so much!!! How can I control such a strong feeling in me that will just burst into my emotion, at any given time? I don't know. But I will try. I will try for you, to be happy, and to be patient. I can not leave you...

If...if you ever end this relationship, I will not accept it. I will hold on to you. I will still love you, for life. You are the only one I love, I won't let go of it. Never. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you...

I can't stop saying it at night. "I love you, I love you..." I can't stop so explain to me why I can't stop! What is it about you that gets me going crazy when you are gone...why? Why do I cry for you so much. And I've realized...

It's because I love you that much....

I love you...

Sincerely,
Anonymous.

I can't run anymore

As sitting at the table, waiting for class to dismiss, my brain pops out again, the heart can't take it anymore. It beats and suddenly you feel like your whole bodyis being lifted off the chair. Too much stress with school, parents, tests, life, and it goes on the list. The girl wants to stop time and stay still for once, but she is too busy all over the place and thinking too much. Life kepts going on the way and she can't do anything about it. But the pain is growing and growing into a million pieces, or a puzzle that can't be sloved.

Eyes turning red because of sleepness and a head that is trying to control the movement. But the small head is full of drama, stress, life, and school that never stops going on. Everyday getting pressured as stepping into the school steps, she finally realized that if she can laugh then everything can be fine. 'A good laugh", isn't that so strange but every person needs a smile.

Perception of Love

What is LOVE????

Love is a many things

Love makes your heart sing

For love you would take your own life

This man right here wants you to be his wife

Wife me that's what I say

This love thing can go a long way

Teach me this crazy thing

This thing that makes my heart sing

Truth is you can't buy love it can't be taught but it is a thought that makes you fall

Its just a feeling brought to you matter fact sought by you

Love is dangerous but to me its my adventure

The perfect person I want to venture on with, is it me or my reflection

The one that keeps getting hurt by ones rejection

Love is what you ask and the answer is infinite

Lies

In this world there are so many liars
Backstabbing friends who deny it
Love makes you think hard
Trying and trying to figure out if you should goon without him or her
Your dreams are blurred and you wish that time would move
You love to hurt and hurt just to love
Is this worth my time or can I go above
What makes me quiver is it you that I have feelings for the one that feels for someone more than me
I know you like a brother, meaning we were meant for each other
I go crazy thinking of you and I didn't know my friend was thinking too
In this world there are so many liars and backstabbing friends who Just Deny It

Untitled Two

My clock is ticking softly as I toss and turn in bed.
I look at my window and just sigh and bang my head.
The pain that I feel inside is not going away.
Am I supposed to take it all in and pretend everything's okay?
I smile at school and just live life regularly but if you see behind my eyes.
There's tears, hate, and a part of me that wants to just lay down and die.

Untitled One

Can anybody hear her as she cries for help?
She's screaming inside in her room as she hurts herself.
Wondering and pleading for something real
Something that causes her to think and feel
To remember why life is worth living
Because right now she suffers from all of the pain
It's tormenting her slowly and quietly
She sees everything changing.
Talking to her friends has turned to complete and silent solitude.
Practicing the piano has turned to reading emo novels in her room.
She has nothing to do with herself and it's driving her insane.
She found someone that taught her why life is worth living
To help her remember how music sounded
and why falling in love feels great
Unfortunately she is restricted of being allowed to date
While she does this in secret, her best guy friend tells her something
Something that just changed their relationship completely
He fell head over heels for her
He writes poems of her as he falls deeply in love.
He reminds her of why falling in love feels awful.
She sees everything changing and she can't do anything to stop it.
A new chapter, a new life. Things forgotten...left behind.
All she can do is sit and smile and pretend everything is all right

Dear Beautiful Flower...

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Bending in the wind.
You are no longer near me.

You are weak and thin.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Such an impulsive gaze.
To believe you couldn't survive...

This frightful phase.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

I miss you so.
The once warm skin,

Is now so cold.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Why aren't you here?
Because this is what he wanted..

He wanted you near.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

You had such an intellectual mind.
You were, not just beautiful,

But also kind.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

I loved you so much.
I cry and cry,

Because I miss your soft touch.

Dear Beautiful Flower,

Will you visit my dreams this year?
Because that day...
Because the loss of you...

That was my greatest fear come true.


Dedicated To:
My now desceased Aunt,
Zorrida Erazo

Maybe Because I am fit to be alone

Friends come and go just like that, making a new friend that knows your past some how. You feel tired and angry, feel like crying front of everyone. But this new friend just uses you like, you find out you are in the same train even thought they lied to you about going to places like Brooklyn to see a movie or meeting a relative. The thing is they don't notice so many people have eyes and ears to hear what are they really doing. You know how a gossip can travel so fast even the person who is doing this suddenly gets scared and loses their confidence. One by one they notice by, the girl just ignores them and if she sees one of them she just walks away, pretends not to care. That is called revenge. But the truth is the girl feels shocked and hurt by knowing by someone else who she promised not to tell anyone. Maybe you are just blind, as the girl riding in the train she notices those 3 people are right there and she feels angry, used, shocked also outraged. If they were real friends they would bother talk to her and notice it by now. Sometimes life sucks and the girl has to get on with life, she should say to to herself that "I am better off without them" and they are the ones that are missing out in a great friend". She tries to forget about it but can't! But in the end it goes back to them, getting blocked by them by email and so cruel to ditch me alone in train when they are right there. But she doesn't care anymore and she is done with everything, somehow they will be erased from her brain. No more advice and crying! The time is over! So the girl takes action, she deletes them in emails she has from them and forgets them from the mind.

My life... is H-E-L-L

Loving, lying,
hating, dying,
thats just part of the hell i live through.
running, crying,
faking, trying,
thats part of what you put me through,
wondering, thinking,
fighting, sinking,
wonder what made you ever do
this,
hoping, doubting,
wishing, bleeding,
I guess Im not the one you'll come back to...

...when you left I faked as if it was only your loss...
...but in reality it was more like mine...
...because Im dying inside...
...for you...

Faith Part 1

Rushing out in the breezy weather, you let your jacket drop down the shoulder's. Your hair is flying all over the place and you just get frustrated. But the heart beeps each second as your body turns around to face him. You think "he isn't cute and doesn't he look familiar?". But the notice on your face shows red spots all over, feeling embarrassed and scared you quickly turn around. Something loud and noisy is coming, oh wait the train is here. Priya gets the train and tries to fixes her hair.

But the other side John is starting at Priya, "Who she is"? "Do I know her from Holmes camp?" Behind him was his friends talking about the giants game, fighting over the NFL teams and players."Hey John, which is the one is the best player?" Huh? John wasn't paying attention to the his friends, why can't he stop starting at her? I hope she goes to my high school, maybe in the next train I can talk to her. The door closes at the N train, the next stop is Lexington Ave.

The train passes toward a dark tunnel. Priya hoping to get a good grade at her Spanish test and biology test. "Oh man, I am so sleepy and tired." Hey Sharon, did you study for the test? What test?, we have a test today? Just typical, Sharon just forgets everything by eating too much candy. The test! "Oh yea", I sort of studied for it". Don't Priya I am sure you will do fine".
Easy for to you to say, thinking Priya. She puts her head down in her friend's lap and tries to relax. She couldn't stop thinking about the boy who she just saw.

Oh come Priya, we have to go now and switch trains. Coming! Priya quickly gets her head up and goes out the door quickly with her friend, rushing out to get the 6 train. Terrific, senior year at Hunter College. When she first started Hunter College, everything was easy, but the stuff is getting harder. She turns around and notices the guy.

Yes! Hopefully she will take the train with me. John! someone calling his name and turns around it is the annoying little talker Jasmine, oh man someone save me. He pretends not to notice and walks quickly toward his friends, as walking away from Jasmine he notices that girl was going to the 6 train section and laughing with her friends. Oh well, maybe later. Okay stop it John, you barley don't know the girl and lets just forget her. Running to the 4 train, right on time as the door open it.

Priya and Sharon running to the school, they were already 2 seconds late. Next time I am taking the 4 train and I don't care if I have to switch 3 trains. Runs to her Spanish class, perfect on time and rushes to toward her seat. She knew most of the answers, what a morning!

The next hours went smoothly until lunchtime, her friend Sharon mentions the boy that we saw in the train. "Isn't he cute"? Priya's mind was drifted away and wondering if she will see him again. Priya! are you listening to me? "Huh"? What happened? I said are you going to soccer practice today? "Sure, I guess". Quickly sharon changes the subject since they have 45 minutes to eat their lunch. "You are so lucky that you have a job in the library". I have dying to find a job and can't found one. The economy these days is so cheap at money.

Suddenly Priya remembered, she had work today and she couldn't home with Sharon after soccer practice. Sharon! I totally forget, I have my stupid job today in the school you have to leave without me. That's okay, I will wait for you since I don't anything better to do. Thanks so much, I am so tired of going home by myself, it is so quite and people are starting at you in the train. No problem, we better hurry, we were already late for school and cannot be late for our classes.

John pass the ball! The coach Hog was yelling at John to get in shape for the next week championship. He had so much free time since he finished half of his classes from NYU during the beginning of his senior year. Come one John! You could better than that! Sweat was running down his shirt, he was so tired after doing 100 laps of running and now tossing the ball into the basket. He loved basketball but no one knew he loved to write. If he told his father, he would be disappointed at him, his friends would just laugh at him and call him a girl. NO NO! He couldn't face that image. Suddenly his mind drifted back to the girl who he saw in the girl. Who she is?

Okay that it, everyone hit the showers and get a good rest during the weekends. John was finally feel reviled and couldn't wait to sleep in his com forty bed. Time read 5:30 on his watch, he probably be home around 7:00. Just Perfect or not.

Shower was over, coach Hog was waving at him. He ran to the train station to meet up with his friends, they were all there eating like bunch of pigs. Hey! Laughing to himself for some odd reason. Hey John said Steven as he was eating the 2 bags of chips and drinking 2 sodas at the same time. Finally you got here on time, the train is coming. John what happened to you in the morning, it looked like you were about to pass out or something. John thinking, I was not passing out! and I am not telling you! He just said No I am fine. Okay, come on the train is here. John was stressed that as soon as he got to his seat he passed out.

loved chocolate candies, it smelled so good. Hey, I hope we see him again, said nope, I didn't notice. She didn't like lying to her best friend but she didn't want her to make a big deal out of it. Where is the train? said Priya and Sharon waiting for the 6 train, eating a small bag of chips and candy. Yummy! PriyaPriya pretended not to care and acted dumb by saying who?. Don't you remembered the guy in N train? Again PriyaPriya out loud. We could take the 4 express train, it goes faster and it is coming right now said Sharon, fine come one I am really tired.

music. Loud nosies so fast that blow out Priya and Sharon's ears off and hair flying as if a wind is blowing. Come one, lets find seats and I really need to sit Sharon. There is one sit across the left and another sit across the right. Okay we can't sit together is that okay Priya, I know how you hate talking to strangers. It is okay, I just need to sit down and relax by listening to my iPodPriya takes the sit with John across from her, she closes her eyes and lets the music flow down her.

John turns around, not feeling relaxed sees that girl who is sitting across from him. Blushing, he sees that girl has her eyes closed until her friend shakes her. Priya open your eyes! So that is her name, a name that suits her and she looks like a tall skinny red flower, maybe a rose or a Daisy. Why was he thinking about her again? This is getting frustrating.

Priya opens her eyes and notices Sharon is calling her name. What? Sharon whispers in her ear and says isn't that guy? Where?, sounding suddenly excited. Right there blind girl, he sitting across from you. Priya turns around and sees him smiling at her. Turning red again, quickly turns way. You saw that Priya, he was smiling at me. Feeling disappointed and says go talk to him, maybe he likes you. No I don't think so, he is too cute. Sharon, there is more to life than boys.

After a few minutes their stop came. Finally! thinking Priya, and grabbing Sharon's hand to rush out to next the N train. She didn't want to see him again on the next train. Priya slow down, let see if we could sit with him. OH MY GOD !thinking Priya, Sharon you could go sit with them but I am not. Come one, please for me. Fine, without thinking said Priya. You are the best Priya! Come one and grabbing her hand to the N train.

John and his friends were running too and the N train is almost here. I should just talk to her, oh man I wish I could tell someone as he running for the stupid train. He and his friends got the train in time again, as he turns around he sees her looking at him. She has average hair, about his height, has brownish eyes, has thin body that looks like a tiny notebook. From all his crushes and his last girlfriend, he swear not to like another girl again. What the hell, maybe she isn't inserted at me. I should talk to Steven, maybe he can help. I am just getting confused and getting confused.

Hey Steven!, John raising his hand and feeling nervous. Whats up John? You look red for some reason, you okay? "Yeah I am fine". Can I talk to you about something? Sure, well you see you know the girl who is sitting across from us, the long hair and brownish eyes? Yeah, what about her? Well every since this morning I can't stop thinking about her and going insane, you know me I wouldn't like any girls since Laura who broke me. Well John not every girl is the same and every girl looks different. Maybe this girl looks different, by looking at her she looks different. Look at her John, she has a sports bag in her hand it is obvious she plays some kind of sport like us and serious about school. Look at her schoolbag, I bet it is heavy because she has too many books and studies of notes. You shouldn't be afraid, we are getting older and not getting any younger. If she doesn't like you or doesn't want to talk to you it is not the end of the world. If I were you I would go talk to her right now before I lose my chance. What if you don't see her again? Now! are you crazy! Look at my face I am shivering like a money. Steven looking at him and laughing at him so hard like he was about to go to the bathroom. Why are you laughing? This is not funny! Look John this is funny and I will push you to her if you don't go! She sounds like a keeper, but I have already a girlfriend if I didn't it I would go. Now go to her and act normal.

Fine, but if she says no, I am going to kill you. What is going on with him? thinking Priya, oh my god why is he coming over? Hopefully to talk to Sharon, I shouldn't be looking at him. She went back to her book until someone taps her in the shoulder. Startled, looks up and sees him starting at her. For a while they were starting at each other, feeling a strong spark. Hum? Sorry to startled at you like that, I was wondering if you want to sit together and talk in the train. By the way my name is John. Priya looking at him with a shocked face and says Why should I do that? Do I know you? Don't you remembered we used go to Holmes camp together back in I.S204? So that's I knew him thinking Priya. I don't remembered that much, but you do look familiar.

Okay, you don't have sit with me because I thought you remembered me. We were kind of best friends. This is all coming back to me said John, oh my god she looks more beautiful and she was one my childhood crushes. You want my email so we can catch as old friends? Priya 's face looking blank and starts to say "sure" I guess. The rest of the train ride they were talking away like old friends. Sharon turned and approving that her planned worked, Steven was right.

Priya running home and going up to her room. Holmes Camp! She found her old journal, John was right they used go to camp together. One of her favorite memories is Holmes Camp and getting over the fear of middle school, she missed those days. This is pretty weird thinking Priya. I better call sharon or tell her later in aim. Feeling tired, changes her clothes quickly and cleaning up the mess goes to sleep.


John in home, was excitied to talk to Priya in email. Turning on the laptop he adds her in the chat box and notices she not yet online yet. I better call steven and thank him, thinking john.

Priya wake up! Priya wake up! Turning around and around, her head getting so dizzy and finally with one lap she woke up. It was her mom holding a dish of food and placing it on her desk, she felt so tired and wondered it is not too late. Thank god she has no school tommorow. Time read 10:00, wow sleeping for 3 hours. She changes her clothes and brushes her teeth, washes her hand, began to eat her dish. After a while Priya turns on the computer to check to see any emails. Wow, alot of emails from angie, her number best friend who is in upstate at college. She missed her like crazy. It is shocking, he sent me a text, I better answer I guess.

Goodbye in November?

It had only just begun
We were tending it and it was growing
"Ask and you will receive."
I asked and got rejected
This wasn't exactly what I expected
You told me that he was ready
I did what You said and I talked
Now I can't do anything but think and walk
What am I supposed to say to him?
That I acted out of compulsion and said yes on a whim?
Honestly, I couldn't have said no
This was what I always wanted
You promised.
You said.
I know You're not a liar.
But I can't think, my mind's on fire.
When will I get my break?
I'm thinking now and I'm not making any mistakes
Can You just soften his heart and change his mind?
It took me weeks to say this to him
And now it's no.
He's wasting his money and his time.
I feel so bad but I want him to stay.
He won't wait.
He won't wait.
My mind is cooling down with each dying ember.
But will I say goodbye in November?

Life on Fast Forward

REWIND
remember when we used to hang out?
PAUSE
where did that time go?
PLAY
you're somewhere else acting a different kind of crazy
FAST FORWARD
tend this friendship and it will grow but right now it's dying

REWIND
you were like my brother
PAUSE
why aren't you mine now?
PLAY
you're not something that is exactly "role model" status anymore
FAST FORWARD
change your life before it's too late

REWIND
the past is the past.
PAUSE
why can't we let go?
PLAY
because it will always be a part of us
FAST FORWARD
think of me once in a while?
because i think of you everyday.

Just for You

Remembering 12-11-07 to 6-28-08

You made me believe a lie
A lie that I fell in love with
You stole my love
It was all just for you

You told me you were once in a lifetime
I believed it and I never let you go
You stole my time
It was all just for you

I couldn't let go
I was caught in the tide
It pulled me deeper and deeper
Leaving me empty and breathless

You said you had loved me
I fell for it and each time I was trapped in that thought
You stole my kisses
It was all just for you

You took me away from my friends
I spent all my time with you
You stole my life
It was all just for you

I couldn't let go
I was caught in the tide
It pulled me deeper and deeper
Leaving me empty and breathless

You gave me away
You were bored with me
I grew angry
I stole my life back
This time it's for me

You treated me as if I was nothing to you
You got me jealous on purpose
I cried but picked myself up
I stole my pride back
This time it's for me

I let go first
I woke up from a nightmare
I started out slow with one step at a time
Collected my thoughts and learned from my mistakes

You looked at me differently
I turned away
You looked at her and smiled
I turned away once more and sighed
I stole my strength back
This time it was for me

You saw me again
When you were with her
You kissed her in my presence
I had hit you
I stole my dignity back
This time it was for me

Did it sting when I told you goodbye?
When I left did you even cry?
I left because I had too
You took me from everything that mattered
But then I ended it
You thought I was
Just for you

Shadow

I never really cared. It never bothered me.
But then it came so fast. How could it be?

I' ve never felt like this before.
I can't do this anymore.

I couldn't believe my eyes.
Inside my heart cries.

How could he do that to me?
How could he not care for me?

He hangs out with his friends, pretending I don't exist.
What happened to the guy I knew, the one I very much missed?

My heart is in pain.
I feel like going insane.

Especially when I saw you with that other girl,
just the thought of the 2 of you together made me hurl.

When I wanted to hang out with you,
you always had something else to do.

How could I have not seen this?
Now, it just seems nearly impossible to miss.

And, now, he is gone and I'm all alone,
and I sit here in the shadow, as my heart changes from flesh to stone.

Keep the faith

Keep in Faith

Bark! Bark! Bark coming from outside across the street. My heart felts like a shaking earthquake that is about to tremble into million pieces of a small plate. Living in a small neighborhood filled with flowers, people with different cultures that always seem to curious me. One thing I like about living in my neighborhood is everything I need in any time of the day; the stores are open 24 hours a day. My guess it is kind of living like New York City, where day and night people are walking in the streets, going to work, school, hang outs with friends. Crazy People yelling at customers for more money. But besides the barking of the dogs, in my mind it is calm and quite like a flute is about to play soft music.

Besides that, I pretty have drama of myself in my small apartment who I share with my family. Mitul, who is 27 years old and married, still lives with us some days of the week, his wife lives in our homeland country which is Bangladesh and basically his aim is to finish college as soon as possible and get his wife here who he applied for a visa, but unfortunately no progress is happening. Mishu, my other brother who I call retarded has brain damaged ever since the age of 12. Whenever he doesn’t get food he tries to hit someone but for some strange reason if he sees food he goes quite. Other than those 2, allow me to present my mom whose is age I am not allowed to say, she is a short lady has strong strength than my stepfather and she teaches special kids like my brother Mishu and helps them to learn. Besides all that she is clean freak, as soon as she sees something spill with her big voice she couldn’t stop speaking, which is really annoying. Okay the next person is my stepfather who my mom married again when I was 5 years old; I don’t know she married him in the first place. He has anger problems and comes home every night looking like a drunken person although he promised my mother he wouldn’t be drinking again. I can’t stand him; in my definition he is fucking bastard and a bitch. Me, everyone calls me priya but my mom calls me flower. I am 13 years old turning 14 really soon is in the eight grade. My brothers say I am not like other girls who sees a hot guy drops everything and acts slutty. Me I don’t care about boys, I care about my life and me doing the best in life.

Eight grades are pretty much horrible other than the fact I am older than everyone else about 1 year and half. The talk of middle school makes my stomach turn, I felt like screaming inside the pillow. I am in an AVID class which stands for a college program kind of like a second class of honor. Now you are probably thinking how do I get along with middle school? Inside my brain I think of someone I hate, and say bad things about them. For example Hope, who is my ex friend and people say she just uses me for my smartness. Sometimes when I do her HW I gave in the wrong answers in or I just say I have no time for it. To me she is a girly girl who cares about her only and no one else, my mom also can’t stand her and nicknames it every time she sees her. Her best friends are Laura and Jessica, well Jessica is okay except for that fact she got kick out our school for ditching classes with her boyfriends. Laura who is a slut and lays for everything to every person I can think of. I don’t know I am friends with her but sometimes maybe for all that she is good listener and can cheer up a person.

My class who every teacher has says such an angel; to me it is like hell or being the devil for once. I hate every one of them, can’t stand them. I am still counting the days when I am done with middle school and move on into a new life into high school. I remembered 3 months ago when I was taking the specialized high test, this is my faith to the get away. It was always my dream to go to Bronx Science or Hunter high school.

I wanted go to London and live with my uncle. Man he is so lucky, having the time of his life as soon as he done with college. My mother who calls me the girl who just thinks too much, basically saying I am not brave like I was. Me I think I am a hamster who is still rolling in a cage and wondering “when will I get out”. By looking at mirror, I have straight hair with big eyes that are popping out like a popcorn. As a youngest child sometimes I act like the baby just for fun and well for fun I love go swimming at the community pool, which calms me down like a baby is about to sleep. One of the reasons I am a sport freak, according to my brothers theories that if you don’t like sports you are not a real human being. My height is 5’2 which is pretty average for a girl, I have small feet like a tiny elephant the size about 5, fingers that are perfect to fit in a glove. My eyes look like the color of a dark green covered with glasses.

Living in a small neighborhood sounds cozy but as you know strange things happen in life that some people don’t understand. No Knows, may it is for a lesson to be learned or a good luck, bad luck, sometimes things happen for a reason.

Friend or Enemy?

He acts nice at times,

but mean at another.

He was a good friend,

someone I could call brother.

Gave me my first kiss,

Made me smile inside,

But at the same time...

He has made me cry.

Cursed me, called me names.

I can not take the pain.

Those words truely hurt..

Did he think of my feelings first?

I now know that this friendship's a lie.

Made me wish I could die.

In the end it's not worth being kind,

to the boy who has two sides.

Wants to impress his "friends",

Be a jerk and a friend,

But he does not comprehend,

That his words do offend.

So I cry in my bed,

As the thinking hurts my head...

Of the enemy and friend.

Fairness in Life

Life is not fair and we all know that for a fact. We never get everything that we want, no matter how hard we try to achieve it. Like, for example, you might want a new cellphone mainly because your current cellphone is 3 years old and even if all your grades are A's, you won't get that new cellphone you've been wanting. Why? That's because your parents want a new house and they have to care take of my other two siblings. So, you see? Not very fair, right??

Sometimes, you get mad when something unfair happens. Like when you get blamed for something even though you are totally innocent or when you get betrayed by your best friend.

And even though you tell yourself that it could be worse, you always at the fact that life is not fair. You always tell yourself that life sucks. When you find one speck of goodness, something bad comes your way. You try to avoid it , but of course, life is not fair!

you and i (just thoughts)

i dont understand what i have done wrong 

can you explain to me what i did wrong to deserve this 

i gave you a piece of my heart and i get nothing.

shall i try my whole heart?

i lost a piece of me with you and 

those days are long gone

i no longer feel anything

no longer feel the pain that i suffered because of you.

i am on my own right now.

all i need is some company.

some friendship i guess.

i wish we can one day walk hand in hand.

i hope one day we can smile together again

pushing away society's ideas.

but would such a world exist?

i just wish that i can be with you.

to look into that hazel flame i see

and gaze at it until the stars circle around us.

i see nothing left in this world but you.

i cannot help but to notice you.

and know i realize that i know one thing.

that one thing is

that i love you.

that is all i can offer to you,

my love,

and i hope that is enough for you.

i dont get this world, or anything else,

but what i want to get to know more

is you.

A love forever

Imagine he holds your hand and you feel the warmth within.

What are you to do then, but be happy and overjoyed.

As he leans in, your heart races and you close your eyes and wait.

You both hold onto eachother like you can never let go.

What do you call this?

Love.

That is what everyone calls it.

Love...

such a beautiful word isn't it.

Just saying it makes others smile.

And makes little girls dream.

And little boys wonder.

Is there such thing as a love forever?

Perhaps there is!

Just have to believe right?

Love...

A love forever...

A dream we have yet to dream,

a wish we have yet to come true,

a belief we have yet to prove true.

A love forever...

Singing in the air, flowing in the wind.

It's that warm feeling she gets when he holds her hand,

and leans in closely.

That feeling, the one everyone calls love..

That love forever...

the one we barely see,

the one most think don't exist.

It's there, its glowing,

and it's alive.

Love at First Sight

I see the silhouette of a wonderful figure,
Standing in the shadow,
So quiet,
So content.
I see eyes,
beautiful, turquoise eyes.
What is it doing there?
It's staring at me.
It's like it can read my mind, my thoughts.
Does it want anything from me?
The figure stepped out,
into the light
He's like someone from a dream,
like something too good to be true.
Bronze hair,
tan skin,
dark red lips.
So tall,
so beautiful,
so mysterious.

imperfectionist

Perfectionism

Humans are perfectionist.

We all have flaws

When you get to know a person you become friendswhen you get to know a person you will get to know about their lifestyle, their beliefs and there struggle.

A friend is someone who helps fix a person, improve their lifestyle, and learn about their beliefs.Hold their hand, sing them a song, and be there to help fix problems.

So not only is your friend better person you are stronger, better, and more tenacious as a person.
Humans are in imperfectionists.

Having friends, family, and people that care about you brings the idea of perfectionism CLOSER

Lovers are Fools

She's too afraid to even try
She's too afraid to even say hi
He'd walk this way and she'd walk the other
She kept her distance and it was such a bother

Keeping every emotion locked up inside
She'd look at him and each time she sighed
would scream inside,

"Why is it so hard to say that I love you?
Why is it so hard to say that I need you?"

But that's not the way that love goes
In this crazy world, everything goes

It wasn't fair to love him far away
Especially when she saw him almost everyday
But she could not cry because of too much pride.

Can you believe that love can be poisonous?
And a simple taste could be contagious?
Will he understand her words unspoken?
He didn't understand and she died choking.

It's not fair to love another far away
But it's too hard because you're too afraid.

Stress

So much to do.
Not enough time to do it.
We "over-plan".
We're too busy.
One minute, we're doing this.
The other, we're doing that.
No time for fun.
So many issues.
Not enough time to solve them.
It all builds up inside of us.
And what happens?
We stress.

Well, I say,
sit down.
Take a minute.
Take a few deep breaths.
Don't worry.
Have some fun.
Make some time for yourself.
Enjoy life while you can.
Because what happens if we don't?
We're sad,
and we stress.

High

Pressure is here,

my heart beats up each second as walking in the wide hallways

that can confuse you. But I feel so scared about my new teachers, grades that I will earned

in the marking period. My new friends cheering me up that "to take it easy" and making me

laugh all the time. I love them for that. As someone says grade or Homework, my brain gets

mashed into pieces. I can't take it anything and brain is getting a headache. One thing that

always kept me calm is listening to music and someone very special told me that "laughter is

best medicine." I know that my effort counts the best, I want to be the star that shoots the

moon. But can i do it? Time is going too fast and I can't kept up. Scared, the word that

brings me down. So I say go for it!

Upon Deaf Ears

Like ink upon fingers, it feels sticky yet unbound.

Tears fall down the cheeks of one I supposedly loved.

Lies fill their ears until they can no longer wish to hear them at all.

Pain fills my heart and I face the truth.

Bitten nails, scratched skin.

Feeling you are the only one suffering and seeing only your problems.

What are you to do?

Perhaps slowly die, or slowly suffer.

Words hurt more though.

And they fall upon deaf ears.

Who do you expect to listen?

If they can not even hear what you speak.

Their eyes watch you, their hands feel.

But they can not hear the precious voice within.

They do not hear the cries of pain or love...

They hear nothing.

And you as a fool...

stand there talking, as if the words would fall..

upon deaf ears...

a park.

there is this park in long island city i remember. I've only been there once, but its as clear as the the day i went there. it was a sunny Saturday, and my sister was taking the specialized test in LIC HS. a few blocks away there was this very peculiar park. one unlike any other. It was over looking the river, and i remember spending the whole day there. it was me, my brother, and my dad. we had no plans that day and just walked around.
Once inside, you can hear distant whistling. Immediately, i was mesmerized. i kept wondering where it was coming from, and decided to follow it. it was hard to follow as it was everywhere, not coming from a certain area as an instrument would.
up ahead, i saw a house. not an ordinary house, but a tilted one. it looked like it was dropped by a tornado, just as Dorothy's house was in The Wizard of Oz. i ran to it expecting to find red ruby slippers on a witch's rotting feet, but there was none. It was empty, with no rooms or doors. it was just a plain white house with a wood floors.
i stayed there for what seemed like hours until my brother and i got bored. Then it was there again. totally forgotten, was the faint sound of whistling. it wasn't like when a person whispers, but more like a constant, never-ending song calling to the unknown.
Following the noise again, i came upon a table. it was a grand table. Large, made of wood, and also, painted white. there were no seats, just this large, vast white table. it had this aura where people weren't allowed to sit on it, as it was practically a masterpiece.
As we moved on, the whistling became clearer. i could hear it as if it was right next tome,but we saw nothing.no sign of a musical instrument. But then further down, far away from the river was a field. a field of propelling spoons, standing tall. There were many spoons,connected together facing the wind. the whistling was as clear as ever. the spoons were making this noise. this beautiful song without words. it was powered by the wind and i remember standing there, doing nothing, but standing there, and staring at the spoons. it was the first time i was so shocked by something so familiar in my life making an unfamiliar song.
it reminded me that things aren't what you expect. they can be normal on the inside, but they also have a hidden secret.
it was a perfect day with my family,and it will always be with me, but another visit to that park wont wash away the feeling i had when i first saw those magnificent spoons.

The Tiny Soul

(dedicated to my baby sister, Natalia)

Look at that little one,
crawling around.
In two seconds,
she's nowhere to be found.

So cute and chubby,
no one can resist.
And her smile,
those two small teeth can't be missed.

So adorable,
her eyes gleam with joy.
And that pretty laugh,
when playing with her toy.

When she walks into a room,
all eyes turn to her.
Then she claps with her small hands,
and the crowd loves her.

The way she talks,
like an angel with poise,
but sometimes she turns into her mischievous self,
and that voice turns into noise.

Of course, she's little
and must be watched with care,
but it's the love and joy that
the tiny soul shares.

Life

The World is changing as we know it, what friends you thought you had are gone. Be grateful for not suffering like people in Africa. Girls selling their bodies for money and nobody will help. Be a true friend and actually care because that girl sits up with just a thoughtless stare.Her mom is dead and her father too. She cares after her brothers and sisters, do you ? Think about the world today, think about whats happening. We could all make changes but we chose not to. Are we cooperating or being stubborn. Life as we know it could end next year, but we just go on without a care. People say they love life yet they still pollute, they still kill other people, they still commit crimes that can cause people to suffer. So what do we really want? If were not willing to live life then why do we?

A song

angel wings cover my body’s blood that drips to the floor.

The bones are now showing, on the mirror of my broken door.

Tell me did you really love me?

I’m starting to think not.

Did you even want me?

An unbelievable continuos rot.

This disease you gave me has spread like rust. You can’t stop my wings and broken bones from turning into dust. As I lay here and cry of the pain you put me through. A famine has killed my soul, and I can not forget you.

my heart is aching can't you see i'm in enough pain?

sadly the tears don't mean a thing

a dead girl and broken hearts are all you'll ever gain

you left me alone sitting in this rain..

This disease you gave me has spread like rust. You can’t stop my wings and broken bones from turning into dust. As I lay here and cry of the pain you put me through. A famine has killed my soul, and I can not forget you...

you fabricate your life..

and use it as a heart break after that

to believe you, to believe you're still alive

all i can do is cry and watch you, and to believe in that.

to believe that even though i thought i loved you..

you killed me...and along with me, my soul died too...

TRUE FRIENDS OR NOT BY AFIA ISLAM

The first day of school you are just dieing to find out to make a new friend or you just nervous about the first day of school? A 15 year old girl who is a freshmen starting hunter feels scared just by getting lost in the wide hallways, but gets relieved that she made friends. But things change and people changes. Laughing with your friends but a new friend shows up. You feel outcast and already they are planning hang outs, making plans to go to the movies with their boyfriends. You try not to get jealous but your body feels angry, like a volcano. But then they dicth you, not waiting for you, don't care at all. Just making lies hoping to make you feel better. Riding on the train, you are like 3 seats away from them, they pretend not to notice. Tears and cries coming out from your eyes and finally your stop comes, they look at you and you gave them your angry stare. You just don't care and get out of train, feeling relieved. Each day as you come to school you finally decided that forget about it, don't talk to them. Hoping that will teach them a lesson.

But then you knew that is true inside your heart. A true friend is always there for each other and they don't outcast you from others. They grab your hand and lead you to get invlove, always telling scerets toward each other and other people too. I rembered when I was on the train, one my friends told me that " true friend would tell and would not care snit." Is that true???
I don't know but I know friends come and go.

I HATE LIFE BY AFIA ISLAM

As growing up each day, there is a voice in my mind that is screaming and wants to get out
each how. Each time, second of my heart shivers like a cold wind that is blown from a person who is dieing out. Seeing my father's blood in the bus and seeing my life fall into pieces like a plate that is broken into thousands of peices. Starting high school thinking your new friends would always include you but like a planning to the movies but outcast me that wants to me jump out the window. When they find out that you are uspet they make a lie "like I am sorry or "totally forget about you. But the true is they just use, they talk to person from another and drops you like a ice cream is melting into the sun. Then you fight, then make up but the real reason they want you to get lost. Getting a true friend is hard but the little girl always has her teachers to cheer her up. Who cares about being a teacher's pet is the thought they care to listen to your problems. The pain memories can't get away, your own mother who hates you and hitting you with a stick, just of fighting back. No one knows who you are and everyday you walking, running late to school like a afraid child who wants go to home but can't. Getting outcast and putting on a fake smilie to your friends, who are not really your friends. DO THINGS CHANGE? I like to find out, but how? Instead of the girl telling someone she is too busy writing stories hoping some day these stories will get publish and the world will know her pain sitting alone in the drama dark. People say life is challenge, I say life is life. Everywhere you go the same drama repeats again. (Boys, crushes, girls, dates, hang-outs) "Oh my god check out the hot boy""Do you think he likes me?" THE SAME THING! The girl is getting tired out and wants to go

another world where there is no drama. That girl just a 15 year old who is .......................

- not telling, you people are smart enought to guess out

Runaway (Under A Sky Of Dust)

Graffiti decorations,
Under a sky of dust.
Overwhelming waves of tension,
On top of broken trust.
All the lessons that you taught me,
I learned were never true.
Now I find myself in question,
They point the finger at me again:
Guilty be association,
You point the finger at me again.

I want to run away,
And never say goodbye.
I want to know the truth,
Instead of wondering why.
I want to know the answers,
No more lies.
I want to be redeemed,
And open up my mind.

Paper bags and angry voices,
Under a sky of dust.
These constant waves of tension,
Have more than filled me up.
All the lessons that you taught me,
I learned were never true.
Now I find myself in question,
They point the finger at me again:
Guilty be association,
You point the finger at me again.

I want to run away,
And never say goodbye.
I want to know the truth,
Instead of wondering why.
I want to know the answers,
No more lies.
I want to be redeemed,
And open up my mind.

LIFE SUCKS

Your life flashes before you,

as my heart beats each second, time going fast each second like a earthquake is about to hit earth.

The 15 year old girl who feels lost and wounded out of no way, starting a new school

facing new people, and wants a fresh start, but seeing in the sidewalk your past, each face that

hunts you down and feel like getting down in one knee. The age of 2, lost her father the only

person who loved her but that get her mother getting married again. Destorying her future and

a life she wanted to have. Thinking about the past memories as going to bed, middle school,

living hell. Seeeing kids covering their nose with fingers and sweaters going over their head

saying that girl stinks. But the true is her old friends betrayed her just because to open up to

them. Standing alone in the hallway seeing her blood rising from her beatings from her mom.

All she wants someone to love her and listen to her problems, slove the pain some how. She

wants a loving parents who would care for her, but now sitting alone in a desk in the back of the

room. Seeing her own face out the window that shows no face of tears, blood all over the face and
tries cover until it is too late. But walking to home a police officer sees what is wrong and

suddenly she brokes up and tells the policemen everything. At last a dream comes true, he helps
her out and listens to her problems. She wants to go home and go to a warm bed filled with joy

and happiness.

Thousands things happened to a child everyday. Do something about it and don't be scared,

always rembered that Laughter can cheer you up. There is always someone who can help you.

Forget the past and move into the future, A future is a new change. Forget people who have

useless life and do your thing.