Letter of Apologies

Dear the loved ones that I have hurt,

I really don't know why or how this happened. All I know is that it happened too quickly and it slipped my eyes. I can't continue this. I have hurt you and my other loved ones and I can't do anything knowing how evil I have become. I'm really sorry, but it is all too complicated. I wish I can turn back time. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I wish this has never happened, but unfortunately, I can't do anything about it. I wish that I can do something to show that I really do care and that I really am sorry, but there is nothing that I can do or else it will only make the situation worse. I wish we can just pretend nothing ever happened and that everything will go back to normal. It is all my fault-I feel so dumb. I guess that we will have to part ways and go through the pain alone. I wish it didn't have to be this way. We were such great friends and it sucks that it has to change. I never wanted to betray you or anyone else. Just please know this-I truly am sorry.

Love,
the evil traitor

An honest mistake

people
they dont mean a thing to you
they move right through you
just like a breath
sometimes
I still think of you
And I just wanted you, wanted you to know
my old friends.
I swear I never meant for this

Dont look at me that way
it was an honest mistake.

Rebel

Bickering, Bickering,
that's all we do.
But who am I, without you?
Yelling and Yelling,
I turn away.
But we are fine by the end of the day.
Hating, Hating,
the fact it sometimes feels like we have no love.
Did you,
Did you even want me first of all?
Have you,
Have you ever even cared?
When I cried,
I cried 'cause this "love" wasn't fair.
I hated
I hated you and your sick lies.
Smilin', prayin'
Going to church isn't gonna make everything you do right.

So I,
I'll tell you now,
I'm through with you.
'Cause I,
I'd rather die of boredom
than sit next to you.

Yeah, Yeah,
didn't think I'd stand and tell you off huh?

Well guess what,
Just Because I'm always quiet.
Just because I'm weak.

Doesn't mean I can't stand tall,
and leave you in defeat.

You think I'm gonna kiss your feet?

Hell no, no way.

Because you are the wall
holding me down,
breaking my legs,
making me frown.

Now I've broken a hole through your cold heart,
And I'm going to smile, show you my art.

The wisdom I have to create,
no love for you left,
not even hate.

Gonna leave you in the dirt,
the way you buried me.

And I'm going to rejoice
because I am free.

my first rap. LOL =] -needs a title

One earful of me and you'll get an addiction
You'll get real high you won't know truth from fiction
Get mesmerized from the heat of my rhymes
You'll get so sucked in you won't even know the time

Sit down and listen to me
Listen to this little tragedy
It starts with you walking with your head in the clouds
Always meeting new people and putting them down
You got the latest fashion, you got the latest styles
You even got the prettiest little smile
You talk about trash about everyone you see
It's no wonder you don't talk about me
I'm way too hot for you to touch
You might get burned just a little too much
You think you're real cool and you think you're real slick
But watch out for my temper it'll explode like tick tick
If you wanna come fight me then you're in for the worst
I might be real sweet and I might not curse
But that does not mean that I'm not a tough girl
So go back and take your mask off in your room
Because the last place you fit in was your mother's womb

Hope is a Paper Boat That Sinks

I hear you in the chambers of my mind
I can't seem to find you anymore
I can't seem to cry anymore
Tears slide down my face
But they disappear like how you did
You left without a trace
Where were you? Where were you?
I stared at my watch and noticed it has been at least two years
Two years of pain, blood, sweat, and tears
It's getting hard for me to breathe
Hard for me to speak
Hard for me to realize
That I've reached my peak
And I'm falling, I'm falling
I'm falling into the deep dungeons of my soul
I'm chained in pain and sorrow
And I can't seem to let my past go
It's getting hard for me to see
Hard for me to think
Hope really is a paper boat that sinks.

Our Masks

We all wear masks.

Smiles
and frowns

We wear sad ones,
and ones that look confused.

We pretend to be someone else,
with these masks.

We cover our true style,
and personality.
with these masks...

We wear them when scared,
and when we don't want to seem weird.

We always get new ones,
as soon as we enter a place where we don't fit in.

We all wear masks...

and our masks...

They hide who we really are,
the person inside of us,
who is dying to rip off the mask,
throw it into the ocean,

and reveal the true person underneath.

sorry sorry

sorry i stopped writing "my autumn" for a while, but i can't seem to think of anything to finish the story. my inspiration has gone away. so that story will now end until further notice.
writer's block isn't fun -___-
sorry!!

The Fear

I don't who I am anymore.
I simply don't know what to think.
I feel like there are two completely different people,
fighting over who I should be.
I am hallow inside.
The pressure and the stress has completely destroyed me.
My identity has been stolen
and I don't know what to do.
I can't focus,
my mind worrying about a million things
all at once.
It is too much to handle.
I am slowly disappearing from the universe.
I am in my own world ,
an isolated, lugubrious world,
all dark, no happiness.
What's wrong with me?
I am afraid, lost, and confused.

I have been taken over....by the fear.

The Ugly Flower

I feel like a flower....
the ugliest flower in the meadow.
Every flower has its beautiful scent;
You can't smell that with me.
The other flowers have amazing colors.
They form a magnificent rainbow.
I mess up their rainbow;
I am an ugly color - a dark gray.
I am ignored by everyone who passes by.
I am just an ugly flower,
hiding in its bud,
waiting to burst out
and show its true colors.
Then, one day, you come over.
You admire me,
despite all my imperfections.
Why is this so?
You take care of me,
as if I were a child.
You make me happy.
And then it happens,
BURST!
I bloom.
I show everyone a myriad of purple and red.
Suddenly, I am the most beautiful of the bunch.
And now I see:

All I needed was to be loved.

My Biggest Mistake

I look to the ocean.
Beautiful tides of blue touch my toes,
tickling me inside.
I hear seagulls in the air
and a boat passing by.
It is peaceful.
A place of pure harmony.
Despite the beauty and peace,
I am troubled,
lost.
This feeling sinks deep into me
and destroys my happiness.
I miss my old life:
what was and what should have been.
Now I sit here,
all alone,
wondering how it could have been.
Why? Why on earth did I make such a stupid mistake?!
I feel so dumb.
I'm a coward.
If only I could turn back time...

I would never, ever betray you like I did.

My biggest mistake:
I regret it so, so much

What a stupid child I was...

I look at the ocean,

the big blue pool of tears....

my tears...

The Choice (something I wrote about a year or 2 years ago)

As the drugs slip into my veins
I can feel the heat take over me, as I cry...
The smoke comes out of my breath
and I drop the cigarette to the ground

How'd we get here I don't know,
but we're here suffering the cold
and fighting the peer pressure.

While I bleed from the wounds
the cuts and that bruise,
am I left to die here all alone
with the freezing snow...

So I,
I wanna change and choose
my own road to life.
Yeah I,
I'm gonna forget what
they say and drop my gun...

But not my pride...

The Death of Lovely Roses

Unbelievable.
I am awe struck.
She is back.
Tell me please, what is she doing here?

This has angered me.
Why is she here?
You have taken her back?
Can't do it on your own you say?

I was here.
I did the things she did for you.
Did I do it in some way that you dislike?
Did what I do for you displease you?

Why?
She's evil.
I hate her.
Always will, and you can't change me.

Even if I was shot, she wouldn't care.
Never will.
She always admonishes me.
Such an opinionated woman.

A witch.

And now I sit in this room,
slowly growing old and sick.
surrounded by a garden of red roses.
They no longer bloom greatly as before.

Their petals fall, turning coarse.
No longer soft.

Such lovely roses fall,
die,
and lay there,
breathless.

Such a lugubrious sight.

And what a foolish choice you've made.

Another

Kelly Clarkson - Never Again
--------------------------------------------
I hope the ring you gave to her
Turns her finger green
I hope when you're in bed with her
You think of me

I would never wish bad things
But I don't wish you well
Could you tell
By the flames that burned your words?

I never read your letter
'Cause I knew what you'd say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try and make it all okay

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere

It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know

You knew
Exactly what you would do
Don't say
You simply lost your way

She may believe you
But I never will
Never again

If she really knows the truth
She deserves you
A trophy wife, oh how cute

Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes
And he's through with you
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together but alone

You wrote me in a letter
You couldn't say it right to my face
Well give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere

It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know

You knew
Exactly what you would do
And don't say
You simply lost your way

They may believe you
But I never will
Never again

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never

Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere

It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know

You knew
Exactly what you would do
And don't say
You simply lost your way

They may believe you
But I never will
I never will
I never will
Never again
--------------------------------------------

I think that song applies to both life and love. Listen to it.

An Anonymous Letter

To my angel,



It seems that i am beginning to get passionately fond of you and i cannot help what i feel.

With a mellow voice that almost can create a melody within each word.

Your eyes bright, gleaming with life as i gaze through yours.

A looks that brings light to my world.

A beauty that entirely consumes my being.

Wanting to embrace this angel, in my arms and in my hands.

To feel a certain emotion by just looks, just overtook me.

I can no longer control what i feel.

Only one word can describe how i feel and it is love.

Every inch points to it. You have changed my life.

I may not be worthy but I've always been true.

I may not be perfect but one thing i know is, i won't be myself without you.



If i was perfect then this would be easy,

but i just wanted to say that i love you and you mean the world to me,

which is why you won't ever see me or know who i am.

Looking at Two

Never had i thought of this occuring,
but now that it has come i have to confront it.
i question myself and in doing so,
lost sense of who i ever was.
i don't know what anything means anymore.
is this normal?
i feel lost and i dont know how to find myself.
i find a clue at last!
..............
...................
I have to deny this!
this cannot be possible!
is this normal?
to be so different from others but blending in.
to carry this secret, this burden upon me.
i cant let the world into it for fear,
fear of the consequences.
this is not right.
but its true isnt it?
i feel unnatural.
i have to find a way to cope with this.
i see there are many others like me,
but what am i to do?

i see both sides but to be normal is one
(or what is deemed normal to society).
i feel so wrong.
why did i haveto be this way?
shall i shun myself from society
when all i ever saw was two instead of one?

life is like that ...

Each hurt of words
makes your heart
on fire and your brain
going into so many
directions. Running
out of breath you feel
tired and wish
sometimes you never
were born. Getting
your hands over
to cover your
tears you feel like
the world is going
to a end. Whats the
point of life? you tell
me! My heart beating
so hard as looking at
a person you feel like
getting a glass to
break the mirror.
Parents, school,
stupid crushes,
friends your brain
had too much
that can't take it
anyway. You wish
you could just leave
but you feel scared and
feel alone. You just
outcast who has
no one each friend
just going by with
their own lives. Life
is over for me as i say
while jumping from
the roof waving
goodbye to the
world.

What's that?

Hmm...
Uhh...
Ink..?
Nah...
Oh... Hmm... Paint?
Er... No... Nope. Don't think so.
I see...
Ketchup?
*licks* Nope. Not it.
O...k...
Oh... my...
Oh crap...
Is it..?
Yeah... Yeah... Think so...
Shit...
Oh god...
I know...
Well... now what?
Gosh... I don't know...
Did she do it again..?
I don't know...
Maybe?
No clue...
Shit... So it is...
Yeah...
Crap...
Yep...
...
...
Blood.
Blood.

Changes

A pulchritude of wonder
A confusion so unjust
I leave this wretched place behind me
And begin to walk among pearls

A thousand feathers
One hundred guns
A shining armor
And a forgotten love

I soon begin to smile
A perennial smile
For those who are opinionated are now gone
And the only thing left
Is my cumbersome rose.

A Perfect Symbolic World

I sit in a park,
with the freshly cut, bright green grass surrounding me.
I read my 568-page book,
with excitement and suspense arising in me.
Little children running around,
playing tag and jump rope.
Butterflies are flying around,
like little lights.
The sky is a beautiful blue,
enclosing this perfect world in like a dome,
yet I don't feel trapped at all.
The sky holds a wonderful object, which immediately attracts me.
The sun shines above me,
a gorgeous yellow diamond.
There is a warmth in me,
spreading throughout my body,
making me ecstatic and a bit nervous,
the good type of nervous.
My book now lays on my lap, closed.
I gaze into the sun,
knowing that nothing bad will happen,
no danger will come across.
This light makes me feel good.
The lovely sun is the only thing that matters in my life now.
I ignore everything and everyone around me.
Without the sun,
shining on me,
I am nothing.
There would be no point of me living on this earth.
The sun is my source of life.
Luckily, I know that the sun will guide me down the right path,
the path of peace and joy.
I have never been happier than now.
I am filled with joy.
I feel secure.
There is no stress,
no worries.
There is absolutely nothing to worry about,
nothing to be afraid of.
I am in harmony.

Unbridled, Unwashable, Unstoppable Aggravation

Stuffing more food into my mouth,
I absorb the very little relief given to me.
Fading away like the fog that hid away the
mistakes I made and problems I created,
the feeling of extreme goodness leaves my body.

It never returns, leaving me to feel disconsolate.

I begin to slowly mourn my sadness.
Slowly decomposing.
Crying tears of unbridled distress.
White hairs form and I have just completely
misplaced my own mind.

I never found all the pieces, since they have all slowly decayed.

Sleeping with a headache,
living with a curse.
I wash away my emotions with my own sweat.
Leaving my body with nothing but a heart full of
unending agony.

I will never get over it, and I will always forget to forget it.

My Emotional Battle of Courage

"Go, go, go!" I tell myself.
I'm running.
I keep running,
running from the past, present, and the future.
I don't know where I'm going.
I simply keep running.
I don't want to go back,
I can't go back.
Yet, I'm too afraid of what is to come.
It is all coming so quickly.
I can't decide on wheter I should keep running
or be the courageous person I never got to be.
I am getting tired of these games.
I don't want to run anymore.
I want to embrace my future.
I want to get a burst of confidence
and be that person that I long to be.
I stop running.
I turn.
I walk onto the path of unexpected realities
with audacity.

Victory.

Nostalgia Eats Superb Words

We are good friends, at least I believed.
I keep on trying to relinquish the very thought of you not caring.
Sometimes a joke can go a bit too far,
you truly don't seem to know how much that hurt.

Calling me a female dog...
That is a spurious statement.
You can clearly see I am human, dear.

As you already know, my anger is unbridled.
So if I don't speak to you for days,
I hope you realize the mistake you made.

Instead of effacing the happening from your mind.
Diffuse it to the very center of your brain.
I won't admonish you for what you've said.
But I may ignore your very presence.

You know...
It truly is ridiculous that you think it was nothing.
I hope someone can salvage me from the pain.
Because this perennial anger and disappointment...
is slowly killing me inside.

Butterflies in my Stomach

My typical day:
I have a group project due tomorrow,
a ton of chores, considering that my cumbersome baby sister makes a mess all over the house
and global homework that takes me forever to do.
Even through all my stress,
the mind-boggling times,
the muddle in my brain,
I feel perfectly fine.
Why? It's because I have been salvaged
by the very presence of you.

You efface all the dilemmas I am faced with.

I get so jubilant when you are around me,

when I talk to you,

and you happily respond back.

This perennial feeling diffuses through me.

It makes me like I am someone,

someone who is important.

I am extremely circumspect

to make sure nothing ever happens

to this feeling of mine,

to make sure that this feeling will never ever come across a breach

and disappear from the face of life.

I cannot live without you.

Without you, I am nothing.

I slowly, painfully die,

like an ugly flower,

wilting, awaiting its death.

But I absolutely cannot let this happen

and it will not.

I will be with you always

because it is you,

who brightens up my day,

who gives me butterflies in my stomach,

beautiful butterflies of joy and happiness

that give me the nerves,

the good type of nerves,

the nerves that ensure that I am someone......