I can't take it!

Gripping my text book,
I am angered to a bad level.
I feel like throwing it at someones head.
Making sure it will kill them.

If he wants to die,
then I will just jump off my roof tomorrow.
If she loves complaining about me so much,
then she can do the shit herself, ALONE.

He has angered me.
She has angered me.
I can't take it,
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

Kill them,
kill them all!!

I'll be happier,
I'll be dead.

Dysfunctional families,
I can not stand.
We should be smiling,
eating dinner together,
running in parks,
taking pictures of art.

We should be dancing in the streets,
washing each other's feet,
listening to music we love,
and getting along.

But instead we are...

fighting for hours,
yelling till we can no longer hear,
eating in separate rooms,
dancing with brooms,
singing sad songs to ourselves,
asking each other if we need help.

Calling each other pigs,
stepping on each other like twigs,
cursing each other out,
complaining about all the wrong things we do,
pushing each other away.

I can't take it anymore,
I can't take it anymore!

I want to run,
I want to scream,
I want to kill,
I want to die,
I want to curse,
I want to cry.

If I'm going to live this way for life,
then end my life now.
I won't be able to survive those harsh words,
won't be able to heal these bruises.

So come on!

KILL ME

You all are doing it now,
so let's see a real knife go through my heart,
a bullet go through my head,
some blood on the ground,

DO IT NOW!!

I'll be happy,
for once,
I'll be proud of us.

Because you worked together to slowly kill me.

Lower my self esteem,

make me feel like shit!

I CAN'T TAKE IT!

I can't take it anymore!!

So lets die with a promise of hated love, a soul so torn, ripped apart, and cold. Let us all sink into the blood of an innocent angel no longer angelic but not devilish as well. Make me bleed all the anger out and die to be happy and far away. Kill me, and the last thing you'll ever have to say to make me smile is...

I'm sorry, forever I'll love you, please stay.

I Remember

I hear the rain,
rapidly falling to the ground.

Drip, drop.

Just like my tears,
which run down my cheek
and fall on my blue, soft carpet.
The sound of the rain soothes me.
It makes me feel better,
despite the fact that inside,
I am dying.

Drip, drop. Drip, drop.

I watch
as the raindrops roll down my window.
My crooked, uncleaned window,
whose frame is beige and whose paint is cracking.
I sit in my small, dirty room.
My desk has a bundle of papers and my laptop on it.
My bed is undone, with my red-pink cover piled up-
I just woke up from a 40-minute nap.
My closet is about to burst out
and spill a myriad of clothing.
My hair sits on my head
and longs to be brushed.
I wrap my itchy green blanket around myself.
Underneath, I am wearing my comfy, gray sweatpants
and my yellow t-shirt
that says"Slice of sunshine!"
If only my life was a slice of sunshine...
I am sitting in a criss-cross applesauce position on my brown chair,
with my back slightly curled.
When did everything change?
My life used to be a slice of sunshine.

Drip, drop. Drip, drop.

Now, I'm not even loved.
No one cares about me.
I am nothing but a figment of one's imagination.
I need to be salvaged from the pain of being abandoned.
I lost my identity.
I must have dropped somewhere a few weeks ago.
I am unrecognizable.
Now, I am locked up in this room,
wondering what I did to deserve this aggravation.
The rain keeps making noise.
It is speeding up.

Drip, drop, drip, drop, drip, drop.

I take a sip of my hot raspberry tea
and place it back on the coaster
on my small, round table,
standing by the window.
The tea tastes sweet and delicious-
just what I need.
I look around my room.
It can't breathe because of the mess.
I gaze at my piano.
I seemed to have stopped playing it
these past couple of weeks.
A layer of dust lays on my piano.
I drop my blanket on the messy bed.
I walk up to the grand instrument
and I cleaned it, swiftly, with a duster.
I take out a book filled with notes.
I turn to a page with a song,
titled: "Ballade Pour Adeline".
I start to play,
slowly because it has been a while.
But as I play each note,
I start to pick up the pace.
As I press each key with confidence,
the sounds come out with clarity
and together, they form the perfect melody.
I start to remember the song,
yet what strikes me odd is
why I stopped playing this song,
along with many others.
It was my favorite.
As I continue to play,
I forget why I was so sad.
All my worries vanish,
disappear into thin air.
I have been awakened from this nightmare.
I finish the song and I move on to the next.
Afterwards, the sun creeps out
and the raining heads towards a stop.

Drip, drop....drip.....drop.....

People and friendship

As soon as you make
a friend you wonder
who you are? Having
a friend can change
everything. But as
tensions rises
you deal with
people and their
stupid drama lies.
Getting angry and
pissed off wondering
is that person i am
supposed to be with?
I am done and taking
action. If one more
person says anything
i will scream.

Drama never ending

I am tired of
people creating
drama which
is all bunch
of lies. Lies and
people sound the
same thing as you
notice it. My brain
hurts thinking too
much. Emotions of
fear let out, wow
as people
looked at me.
School, drama,
grades i hate the
most has ruined
my life. thinking
wat should i do
next?

Loving One

When you awaken from the end of despair
She will sit there, watching you, as you twitch.
You will finally feel the release of pain and burdens
When you look into her eyes

She takes away your suffering,
Your pain and tears.
Making sure you will smile again,
She helps you up.

All you do is stare into those innocent eyes
Her hands are cold but warm
How can you let them go,
When they are just so soft…

You have healed, and she still stands next to you
Doesn’t leave your side.
All day and night, she’s there
Watching.

Waiting..

Wishing…

And praying….

For the day she will be held in your arms softly,

And for you to be the one taking her pain away.

Birthday

Today is the day.
We must celebrate.
For you are a wonderful young man.

Today is the day.
We must rejoice.
For you have turned one year ahead.

Today is the day.
I must gather our friends.
For we will dance the night away until the world ends.

Today is the day.
You turned 17.
Much older than me, but a true friend indeed.

I want to thank you, for always being around.

I want to thank you, for picking me up from the ground.

I want to let you know I truly care.

And that I'll always be there.

So come with me along this journey, down to the road where everyone we know is on.

Let us fly together, and soar, knowing we will never forget, the precious memories.

Wall of Lies

The minute I saw you,
I got this wierd feeling.
Something I've never felt before
and it made me feel great.
You seemed perfect -
no flaws nor imperfections.
Yet, one day I discovered something new:
a impenetrable wall.
It made me wonder,
What's behind that wall?
I tried to go through many times,
but it never worked.
You were hiding something,
something dark and mysterious.
I was starting to get weak,
tired of trying to accomplish my goal.
But, I endured the pain,
and I kept trying.
BANG!!!
I broke that wall,
only to discover something I did not want to see.
So, now, I am in pain,
not only because I am hurt,
but because I found the real you:
someone who was careless and annoying.
I cried because you masked yourself and betrayed me,
with your wall of lies.

You Never Lied

Hey I'm being honest at least
I can't get over it
Can't get over the fact that you chose her over me
When I was loving you from the start
You picked a girl who just played with your heart
I look at the old emails
I remember the old conversations
I remember exactly when I cried and you never knew
I remember when I lied and said I'm happy for you
I'm happy that you found the girl for you
Even though I knew there was one that secretly died for you
It made me insane, jealous
And it made me wonder if there was anything wrong with me
Because I am imperfect
That's why I say that I am imperfect
Because I thought you saw something in me that you didn't like
That made you choose to be with her
I am imperfect
And I'm proud of my flaws
Because if it weren't for them
I wouldn't be me
Every night I'd go to bed angry, frustrated, and alone
Wondering where I went wrong
What I did
But I found out later I never did anything wrong
It was you
I never expected you to cause so much pain
But you just wanted to see if I was jealous
And you know what? Your experiment worked
I was jealous, so damn jealous and I hated you and her for it
Because I thought that you picked her because she was everything I'm not
Who said love was perfect?
It's imperfect, flawed, and is blind
So when I said that I thought you lied
It was when you chose her over me
I thought you lied when you said you liked me
I really did because you made it seem that way
The way you held her hand
The way you looked at her
I would look away
I wanted to run away but I had to prove to her that I didn't care
I had to prove to myself that I didn't care
Every night seemed like it would rain
When it rains it pours
Because every night I went to sleep knowing I wasn't yours
But like I said it's nothing
Though I won't let it go for nothing

So much for being myself?

The chains hold me down, making my wrists bleed from so many attempts of getting away.

Crying with anger I think of all my friends, feeling this is the last goodbye.

"I am sorry, I am so sorry..."

apologies that last forever echo among the walls.

All I ever cared about has disappeared, falling through my fingers.

I regret it all, why did I do it?

What did I do?

......

I couldn't stop crying....

so they left me behind, with my tears.

Because no one likes anyone who can't love themselves.

Walking away

Each step, sound, nosie you make
can my heart beat in lyrics of
music. When you stare at me
I feel a shiver running down
my spine which makes my eyes
wonder who you are. The eyes
of your look gives me dreams in
reality that I can never have.
Each second of the time passes
I look ahead wondering what is that
I am missing? Lost in my
thoughts your eyes makes me
do silly things that I can never
imagine of. Whats in the future
ahead of us? No words spoken
but actions speak for us when
you walk to me in a slow
motion. Every time I close my
eyes I realize the fear in me
as I turn around never
looking back. Time is present,
I am waiting nothing happening.
You make me wonder who I am?
Each word and hugs makes me
lost in fear, my heart lost in space
making my brain weak.

A Scarred Heart

Nothing more but a memory
A memory of something that I don't want to remember
But still a memory
Maybe it'll go away in time I once thought
But now I know it won't
It'll stay, it'll linger
It's like a scar on my skin
One of shame and regret
That no matter how hard you try and scratch it
It stays
Like a scar, it stays scarred on my heart and soul
Imprinted with permanent ink
A sad reminder
A painful reminder
That I couldn't have you
That I couldn't look at you anymore
I tried my best to ignore you
I tried my best to not talk to you
But you were always there
I wanted to stop this 'infatuation'
because all it did was cause me anger and frustration
No matter how many times I cried
It still stayed
Because it wasn't an infatuation
It was love.
A red thread had tied my fate to yours.
It can't be broken by any blade
If you wanted it to stop
If you wanted all of it to go away
Then tie your fate to another
I promise not to mind...I promise not to care at all
But I can't promise that I'll stop loving you.

My Butterfly Wings

I have been in a cage for years.
I am stuck in jail.
I have never done anything wrong.
I am innocent!
I die of boredom.
No one to talk to.
I am so alone.
All I need is a friend;
someone to make this all better.
No breathing space;
I suffocate every day.
No one understands my pain,
no one understands my loneliness.
If only...
if only I escape this terrible place,
if only I could be free,
if only I could spread my butterfly wings
and fly.
I could explore the wonders of the world.
I could show the world my beautiful colors and how unique I am.
I could finally be happy and content.
I could breath the fresh air and smell the sweet scent of the flowers.
I could be with my loved ones.
But for now,
I am stuck in this cage,
dreaming about the day I shall escape.....
and have my long-deserved freedom.

Up Against the Wall

This memory is bittersweet and familiar
The way you held my hand and never let it go
The way I always turned my head and never let my smile show
I'd close my eyes and pretend time stopped
Because I never wanted the day to end
All of our fears are up against the wall
Just waiting for us to snap back into reality
It's just you and me
It was just you and me
Now as I walk in the park on a cold autumn day
The swing sets are now empty
There are no more lovers there anymore
Just ghosts
Ghosts that haunt me and torment me
I'm sorry
I never said that properly until now
But now those swings are no longer empty
And my hand is now in his
Now there are new memories to make
New steps to take
And life goes on
I wish you good luck in life
Well, so long and goodnight.

Inspired by Underoath's Reinventing Your Exit <3
-nitnatxp

Heading for Disaster

Just close your eyes and say goodnight
As you drift into a dream of a dream
In the chaos of your thoughts
Just say goodbye whie you revise a letter to a dear old friend
Because this is the last time you'll send him one again
This is the last time for everything
You can't stop thinking on this one thought
You can't remember everything that you were taught
Nobody said that this would be easy
So don't cry on me
The monsters of your nightmares still live
You see them in the windows
In the shadows of your deepest secrets
There are monsters under your bed
Cursing you in the night when the lights are dead
Nobody said this would be easy
Nobody said that life would be fair
You're going to be lonely
You're going to run faster
Just keep running this way
You'll be heading for disaster

[if this didn't make sense, then i'm so sorry. LOL because i was listening to this heavy metal song and just started typing these words from my head]
->it's just random stuff :]
nitnatxp

Burden

I remember the first time I met you.
It was an ordinary summer day.
Your sweet scent of lavender,
your beautiful, low voice,
your soft skin.
You were different,
as if from another planet.
A wonderful, strange creature,
that acted compassionately.

Months have passed
and you are not person I first saw.
Too crazy, too childish.
I don't understand.
Why did you have to change?
But I can't hurt your feelings any longer
and I am stuck with this burden
on my shoulders.
I can't let you go.
It is simply too hard......

Sunshine

Your rays of light warm me,
Your smile gives me chills,
Your skin I touch smoothly,
quickly gives me thrills,
I think of you daily,
throughout nights, and in my dreams,
I think of you greatly,
even though sometimes it seems...

that this relationship between us,
will it truly last?
but I shouldn't have thought that,
because this is not like my past.
I will be with you,
you will soon be here.
And once that happens,
all will be clear.

Your rays of light will shine brightly,
blinding me in the sight,
of such a truly magnificent beauty
and such beautiful daylight.

You're my sun in my world,
making everything brighten,
making everything seem fine,
even if I am frightened.

I will shine with you, my sun.
I will shine until the end,
because I just can't let go of your rays,
I must love you until the end.

Too Much

You leave me in a muddle,
all confused.
You think I am your friend?
After all that I have put up with you,
after all that you have done to me,
never.
Never again will I act as if we were the best of friends,
never again will I hang out with you,
never again will I lend you my hand
because I'm just too sick and tired.
I can't put up with this anymore.
Don't even bother to say a word to me
because I won't listen.
You think that you can hug me
and everything will go away.
Then you act unbridled,
too hard to control,
too opinionated,
and rude.
Your emotions get in the way.
All the pain,
all the tears,
all the dilemmas
shall never be forgotten.
At least,
not by me.
You think that we can let it slip
and efface the painful times.
Well, I've been doing that for too long.
I even lost count of all the times you have betrayed me.
Your cruel words and actions have diffused into me
and destroyed me many times.
I cannot salvage this friendship any longer.
I travel down the risky path of life,
but one thing is for sure -
I'm not going with you,
not anymore.

Honestly

Honestly
Whenever I'm upset
Don't ask me about it
Just hug me
That's all I really want

Honestly
Everytime I say that I don't care
I probably do at the time
I just don't want you have that satisfaction that you're right

Honestly
Everytime the day turns to night
And the lights go out
The only thing I ever think about as I lay here
Is you

Honestly
Every time I hit you
I always feel bad
It's not that I'm soft, it's just that I never want to hurt you

The truth is is that I never want to let go
And I just wanted to let you know
Though I might not show it
Though I might not ever say it aloud
I'll say it now because this written word is permanent
You're my everything.
I need you more than yesterday.
More than I did five seconds ago
So through all the pain, happiness & laughter
I want you to be my happily ever after.
Honestly, I can say that I love you dearly. <3

The Better Half of Me

I’ve gotten so cold,
I’ve given you the road,
Towards my little heart,
That you’ve torn apart…

Gonna break it again…?

I’ve given you my soul,
A pretty little soul,
That aches for a goal,
A possible goal…

That you may never give.

You don’t know me
You never know me
You never see me
You never kiss me
You won’t know me
You’ll never know me
You’ll never see me
Or ever kiss me.


You’ll never see, the better half of me,
The better half of me,
You’re just gonna have to get out and leave.
No, you’ll never know that me,
That better half of me,
Because that better half of me,
Wants you to bleed.
The better half of me.

You always cry,
You always sigh,
You never wait,
You’re always late…

What am I gonna do?

You make me cry,
You make me sigh,
Wish I could die,
But I rather try…

To live for someone who really cares about love.


You’ll never see, the better half of me,
The better half of me,
You’re just gonna have to get out and leave.
No, you’ll never know that me,
That better half of me,
Because that better half of me,
Wants you to bleed.
The better half of me.