Pain in Confusion

The pain feels better
And better as I feel it upon my
Cold lifeless body.
It fills me up wholly.
It shouldn’t be that way.
Pain is a bad thing.
But the pain brings pleasure to me.
Makes me feel whole.
Growing up with pain,
Living with pain is a daily
Routine for me.
Pain brings me to a whole
Other level.
This feels so good to me.
Bringing the pain back again.
Love the way it feels on me.
People that watch me hurt myself,
And stop me from doing so.
Cant ever stop this
Newly found addition of mine.
I understand why they want me
To stop this.
I can’t live without the pain.
The pain I feel is like,
A short burst of self inflicted pleasure.
It is like pricking yourself on
The beauty of a rose whose
Beauty engulfs you.
Like the love and care you
Have in your heart.
Even though it is a bad thing.
I would do many things to save you.
I would help you when you need it.
This is one of the things that
I don’t need saving upon.
The pain fills in the
void that I have within.
I have nothing better to live for.
I would give my life for you.
I would do anything for you.
This fact of pain doesn’t
change anything at all.
I will live my live for you.
You will live your live for yourself.
I don’t have much of
a future ahead of me.
It all looks so bleak to me.
I don’t understand this world.
I am a stranger in this land.
All I have is you.
My heart is incapable of living.
Too much confusion.
I am being sucked into a sea of
Emotions that leads into a black hole
That is my heart.
The masochist within
only survives and
Is the only part of me
That I am willing to show
Under all of my layers
And layers of secrecy and mystery.
No one understands me yet.
But as you look behind and
Remember what I had gone,
You will understand
What I had gone through.
The pain I had suffered then,
And the pain I suffer now.